Mushrooms, maple, cherries and royalty

We all know that the County is looking for a new economic development strategy now that the author of the “creative rural economy” approach has been shooed out of town. What we didn’t know, until now, is how close the County is to executing an audacious new strategy.

The project has been shrouded in complete secrecy—as one source said, “I’d get my head chopped off if I went on the record”—but The Times has been able to piece together its essential elements.

Let’s start with the Royal Wedding. Prince William is now the popular choice to succeed his grandmother. It is widely accepted that his father, Prince Charles, does not want to live in his son’s shadow. He is said to have decided his legacy will not be that of a king but that of a successful, environmentally responsible businessman.

His business—Duchy Originals—markets organic food, produced sustainably. It has several product lines, including biscuits and snacks, drinks, soups, chocolate, garden seeds and herbal tinctures.

The business has had some wobbly times, because it is selling a premium product to a niche market. What could be a more logical next step than to broaden the product base by securing a foothold in the North American market?

And what better way both to improve business and get out from under William than to move to Canada? And, since we’re on a roll here, what better place in Canada to move than Prince Edward County— founded by proud Loyalists, full of royal nomenclature?

But there is more that makes it a fit.There are some glaring gaps in the Duchy Originals lineup. Example1: no mushroom soup product. They offer chicken, spinach, beet, tomato and carrot, but not a shiitake or chanterelle in sight. Answer: Your Royal Highness, please let us show you the Wellington mushroom plant. Example 2: no maple product. They’ve got chutneys, marmalades, mustards; and plum, blackcurrant, lemon, raspberry and strawberry jams. But yes, they have no maple syrup. Answer: Chuck, you’re gonna love Maple in the County.

But the Prince is said to be most intrigued by an article he read somewhere about the closure of the last commercial cherry orchard in the County. What a legacy that would be—to restore a lynchpin of the County’s agricultural economy. And (we checked) Duchy Originals doesn’t do cherries— yet.

Now ask yourself: why was an OPP SWAT team in Wellington a couple of weeks ago, jumping out from behind planters, chasing after cars and warning away the criminal element by issuing traffic tickets hither and yon? The only possible answer: they were clearing the area for the Prince’s advance team.

So the proposal to induce Prince Charles to set up a Duchy Originals operation in the County—a ‘shoot for the moon’ economic development strategy—may already be in play. And the benefits for the County would be enormous. The Prince and his retinue would require carriage repair people, grocers, knaves, nannies and jesters. The press would descend on the County. Tourists would come just to gawk at royalty. The horsey set would show up. And perhaps a class of ‘young men and women of means without the need for employment’—essentially, your modern day Bertie Woosters—would enter the scene, requiring contemporary local Jeeveses to rescue them from all manner of scrapes.

As a mark of respect, the County is said to be prepared to rename itself “The Duchy of the County of Prince Edward.” If the royal couple moves here, it will also rename Sophiasburgh ward “Camillasburgh” in honour of the Duchess of Cornwall.

But will the lifestyle suit them? Well, surprisingly, that checks off too. Wellington has patently British connections. Tara Hall is up for sale and would make a nice royal cottage. There is a farm property for sale on County Road 27 with a16-stall horsebarn and riding arena, formal dining room and new furnace. If the Prince needed a polo ground, the soccer field at C.M.L. Snider school could easily be converted; and the school itself closed down and turned into a clubhouse. For entertainment, Charles and Camilla would have access to the Wellington Legion, where his ceremonial attire would be a big hit; and of course to the DukeDome, where he would be welcome to drop the puck and take a specially reserved seat immediately behind the penalty box. He would enjoy walking the Millennium Trail and the Wellington Beach; and she could no doubt find a bridge club to join. Both would enjoy our plenitude of parades. All in all, the glove fits the royal hand.

So keep your eyes open. If you see mayor Peter Mertens practising his courtseying and bowing, you’ll know the game is afoot. And the County will be poised to ride another wave of success; this time on mushrooms, maple, cherries and royalty.

David Simmonds’s writing is also available at www.grubstreet.ca.