Thee, thou and youse

“Do you ever run out of things to write about?” I get asked that question, a lot. I can’t say I’ve ever run out of topics, but some topics are best left out of the news, so to speak. And, “Have I got a story idea for you.” Well, as it turns out, most people have a story idea for me but, not all of them are interesting to me. When I do choose a topic for this column, it’s been rambling, roiling and rumbling around in my head for days, if not weeks. Sometimes LOML has had to listen to me spout and fume while I try to get a handle on how I’m going to deal with whatever is vexing me. Sometimes I write and write, just to clear the air and my head. Sometimes I just pour myself another coffee, take a deep breath and gaze longingly at the Hallowe’en treats (this month) or the cookie jar.

So, here’s what’s been clogging up my “think pad” recently. You write “potatoe.” I write “potato.” You write “tomatoe.” I write “tomato.” Come on folks, if you’ve got them and want to sell them, give us a break and drop the “e.” Neither of those words end in an “e” unless you’re going to follow it with an “s” to make it plural—you know, more than one potato or tomato. And, if you’re going to make those tomatoes and potatoes “plural” forget about using an apostrophe. And, as regards apostrophes, I’d be thrilled if the potatoe/tomatoe people would just forget about apostrophes altogether. Unless you had your learning and listening ears on during the apostrophe lesson, don’t bother. I’ve seen so much abuse of the apostrophe. The “s” at the end of a word doesn’t always have to be heralded with an apostrophe.

Next, having fun. Yes, we all like to have so much fun. Come on kiddies, when did we start using the combination “so fun” as in, “Hey, I rode the Mind Bender. It was so fun.” No it wasn’t. It was just plain “fun” or it was “lots of fun” (no need for an apostrophe in the word “lots”) or it was “so much fun.” The only time riding the Mind Bender is “so fun” is when someone says, “The Mind Bender wasn’t any fun at all.” And you know it was fun, so you reply, “It was so, fun. I’m telling Mom.” There seems to be some linguistic evolution happening with “so fun.” I’ve heard broadcasters, professional speakers, teachers and politicians speak of being involved in something described as being “so fun.” Stop the “so fun” having and have so much fun, instead.

Nuquelar. Seriously and really? Nuquelar!! Get outta town. Nuclear energy has been around for so long we should be able to wrap our tongues around the word, by now. The very first time I mispronounced the word, my Mother was quick to let me know of my gaffe and reminded me, “If you don’t care about how you sound, others won’t care about what you have to say.” The very people who should know better don’t. Whenever I hear a national broadcaster or a statesperson pronounce the “nuclear” word incorrectly I wonder if their handler/editor/advisor/researcher/ manager, perhaps, hasn’t the intestinal fortitude to let a person know just how ridiculous the mispronunciation sounds. Like a burp at the altar. Or, maybe, the handler/editor/ advisor/researcher/manager just doesn’t know any better, themselves. Oh me. Oh my. How about using the word “nuke” instead. It’s hard to mess up a word like “nuke,” I think.

Have I mentioned “youse” before? I think I have. One of my students asked me how to spell the word “youse.” I asked which youse/use word she wanted me to spell. She told me, she was interested in the youse/use word that meant more than one of “you.” Don’t get me wrong, I use the word “youse,” especially when I follow “youse” with “guys” or “folks” and only when the atmosphere is “so fun.” If you’re trying to be persuasive or sound like you know your stuff, try my favourite description of a crowd of youse—all y’all.

Finally, who has seen the wind? Apparently, all y’all seen it. How many times a day do I hear the abusive, “I seen him at the Post Office.” And the ever popular, “I seen the movie in Belleville.” Maybe you saw a scene at the theatre in Belleville but, didn’t seen it. “Seen” is one of those words that, when abused, will take you down like a ton of bricks. Your credibility flies out the window whenever you bandy around a batch of “I seen.” I have watched many a grown up flinch and wince upon hearing the telltale phrase “I seen.”

Years ago, when my university course advisor told me I had to take another English credit, I chose Linguistics. She told me a goodly portion of the course would address the evolution of the English language. The textbook we used was written by Noam Chomsky. It was a challenging course of study fraught with grammar, spelling, word origins and evolution by popular usage. I wish I seen the change coming, it would have been so fun.

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca