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Trip around the sun
In one of my first New Year columns for The Times, 10 years ago, I wrote about how most of us treat the new year like a Monday. I wrote, “New Year’s Day is like the mother of all Mondays for anyone who made a list of resolutions for 2007.” My reasoning was Monday seems to be the day to start a diet or stop smoking or cut back on our caffeine intake, and it’s the day we are more diligent at work. To me, whatever we promised ourselves on a Monday didn’t seem too different from the promises we made on New Year’s Eve. Over the years, I’ve tried to avoid making resolutions or, at the very least, I’ve tried to keep to myself the promises I make to me.
So, in 2007, January 1 just happened to fall on a Monday. Talk about a double whammy, eh? Then, and now, I couldn’t figure out why we tormented ourselves with expectations to radically change who we were. To that end, in 2007. I wrote, “Isn’t just getting through a Monday hard enough?” Indeed, the holidays are a trial without trying to deal with the remains of the chocolate marshmallow Santas, the last crumbles of festive shortbread cookies, the leftover turkey, the piles of guest laundry and the bits and pieces of wrapping paper. And then to that we add a heap of good intentions. To say the very least, I have always been impressed by the brave people who raise a glass of bubbly and proudly boast of their plans to make their new year the best year ever. Here I am, on January 1 2017, sitting in my comfy clothes on my comfy sofa, a glass of sweet cider and a bowl of salted nuts within easy reach, watching a baking show marathon and writing this column. One voice in my head is making a resolution list and another voice is telling the first voice to shut up. The truth in 2017 is the same as it was in 2007: by the fourth of January I’ll be ready to pull the blankets up and hope that no one will remember what my sparkly-wine-promises for the new year were. In 2007, I wrote that I thought it would be a hoot to make a note of all the resolutions my family and friends made and, about halfpast February—as they fired up the cigarette they said they’d never smoke again—I’d pass them a stick of chewing gum and ask them how their resolve was working for them. Of course, I never did do that, especially as I crammed another Lays potato chip into my gaping maw.
As far as resolutions are concerned, I’ve made as many as the next person—perhaps more. And, as resolutions go, I’ve neglected to follow through on almost all of them. Over the years, I’ve resolved to lose weight, get fit, be nice, not swear, not gossip, not drink too much wine, to be a good employee (becoming a freelancer took care of that), learn to play an instrument, finish all of the craft projects I’ve started, stop dyeing my hair, don’t leave things until the last moment and never, ever drive over the speed limit. And, as it turns out, I have lost weight and for five years, have managed to keep it off. Go figure. I’ve worked very hard at getting fit and staying fit. Was it a resolution made on New Year’s Day that helped me get the healthy thing right? I don’t know. Probably. If it happened to be one of my NYD resolutions, it took until one day in November to put the plan into action. I know I was tired of being a physical wreck and moving through life like a float in the Santa Claus parade. And here I am. Fitter. Happier. Healthier. That being said, I never did learn the “internal dialogue” thing. I still swear a lot. Now I don’t even try to rein in on the swearing because someone told me “really smart people swear a lot more than the average smart person”. Well, I’ll be ****ed, I must be brilliant. I’ve had more than enough time to learn to play a musical instrument, but I haven’t. I’ve got dozens of unfinished projects heaped up in my studio. And there’s nothing like a deadline to motivate me.
Resolutions? I don’t think I’ll be making any this year except I resolve to get rid of the leftover chocolate, candy canes and cookies. Don’t ask me how I plan to do that. Happy 2017 kiddies. Enjoy your next trip around the sun.
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