This year’s ice buckets?

Charities are always looking for new ways to raise money. Last summer, the ice bucket challenge was successful beyond anyone’s wildest expectations: it raised about $26 million for the ALS Society of Canada, and about $500 million for ALS charities worldwide.

Why was it a success? I can guess at three reasons, although there are probably others. One, no one likes to back down from a doable sort of challenge: getting yourself doused with a bucket of ice water is a much more manageable experience than, say, jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Two, once you had experienced the challenge, you had the opportunity to challenge someone else. The chance to get your revenge on a friend, close or distant, became a reason to take it on in the first place. Three, every taker of the challenge became a link in an ever-exanding network of marketers of the concept, customers were essentially doing the sales job.

So what is going to be this year’s big thing? Three-legged extreme endurance runs? Dead silence-a-thons? How about toilet parking?

That’s right, toilet parking. Who’s doing it? The Trent Port Historical Society, in support of further work to operate and continue restoring the Trenton Town Hall— 1861, that magnificent old building that sits right in the middle of Trenton’s market square area. It was formerly a butcher shop, court house and police station. In addition to its archive facilities, the building houses the Heritage Café downstairs, and the almost fullly renovated James Alexander Theatre upstairs.

How does it work? Well, like the ice bucket challenge, it is one of those pass-iton type of fundraisers. You can get the ball rolling by filling in a slip, together with your donation of $30 or more, naming a person who you think would be tickled pink (or angered purple) to have a garishly decorated non-functioning empty toilet parked on his or her front lawn. No dousing is involved. You can choose from Where’s Waldo, Garfield, Marilyn Monroe and another 20 or so uniquely decorated commodes. According to Laura Rickards, a volunteer with the Society, the decoration was mostly contributed by local artists— tattoo artists, to be precise.

Then the chain continues. For $10, you can have a toilet that has been parked on your lawn picked up the next day. For $20, you can have it picked up and placed on someone else’s lawn. A victim can be assured that a toilet is normally picked up and delivered each morning, although those who fail to see the humour in being a victim can call an after-hours number to have the toilet picked up immediately. No mention of a special premium for that service.

The tariffs don’t include a rate for having a toilet parked on your own lawn, although that service could presumably be provided. Nor is there a rate for arranging to have the toilet parked on a person’s lawn and remaining anonymous, or even assigning the blame to an innocent third party dupe while you, the instigator, sit back and chuckle at the ensuing carnage. Maybe that’s just as well.

The toilets, pending their delivery, are stored and displayed outside the Trenton Town Hall—1861 building, which according to Ms. Rickards, has had the salubrious effect of generating interest in what’s inside. No-one, apparently, has yet entered the building expecting to see a toilet museum. Maybe that’s because visitors are all up on their international tourist sites and are aware of the Sulabh International Museum of Toilets in New Delhi, India, which rates 4 stars on TripAdvisor and is ranked number 143 of 345 things to do in that city. A quick web search reveals that similar toilet parking challenge campaigns have taken place in Tennessee and Alaska—this campaign is not the world’s first.

The official slogan of the campaign is “you’ve been flushed out keep the toilets flowing.” So far, it has raised about $2,000. The organizers hope to raise three times that amount by the end of June, when the toilets will be sold off—presumably to collectors, altlhough I’ve never seen a water closet specialist on Antiques Roadshow. Perhaps this provides the opportunity for those who have never done so to start a new fad for colllecting porcelain. More information can be obtained at 613.394.1333. Receipts are issued for the full amount of each donation.

So there it is: painted toilets are (potentially) this year’s ice buckets. And I’ve gone through almost an entire column without making any bathroom jokes. It’s not natural reticence: it’s just that there aren’t any to which I’m privy.

dsimmonds@wellingtontimes.ca