Cuter than a cruiser

Last week’s Year 148 Canada Day parade was up to, or perhaps even surpassed, the usual high standards of a Wellington parade.

Leading off was an OPP cruiser—replete with an oft-repeated “Happy Canada Day” greeting. It felt a bit out of place, because one usually associates the voice inside a police car with some more intimidating message, such as “pull over and come out with your hands up.” And having just returned from Toronto, I am struck by the number of bicycle- based police there, and how much more approachable they appear than police in a cruiser. Maybe it’s the short pants they sport; but of course, for all I know, cruiser-bound police could be wearing just their underwear. So while I don’t fault the OPP for participating in the parade (or in fish derbies or cram the cruiser events), I do wonder if the cruiser itself is bit of an obstacle when it comes to softening the image of our police force.

It’s not a purely academic issue, because the OPP’s values statement sets out that the organization “commits to working continually to earn the confidence of the citizens of and visitors to Ontario—a confidence that will not be taken for granted. The OPP fulfills this commitment by providing the best and most professional service possible, and by striving to build a culture of trust.” However, in an interview with the Times several months ago, the County’s detachment commander stated, essentially, that public safety was the overarching priority of the force, and if that meant civility was a sometime casualty, well, so be it. So if the image of the force can somehow be softened without affecting public safety, surely it’s a win-win proposition.

In the search for that win-win proposition, and in recognition of the fact that moving to a bicycle-based force may not be completely practical in our spreadout County, I have just two words to throw into the means-of-police-transportation mix: water buffaloes.

A recent New York Times article documented the success that police on the Brazilian island of Marajo—home to about 450,000 of the creatures— were having in using water buffaloes as police patrol vehicles. Better swimmers than dogs, more agile than horses, they also have an advantage that one police officer summarized this way: “being the guy on the buffalo makes me more approachable, making my job a little bit easier.” Others maintain that tensions between police and residents are lessened by virtue of the fact that police employ the same animal as other residents.

So successful has the use of water buffaloes been that local officers are hoping to export their expertise. Says one: “Look what people have accomplished since they started riding horses instead of eating them. Our buffalo patrol could be the start of something huge.”

But I hear your objection. Where could the County OPP possibly get hold of water buffaloes? As a matter of fact, they don’t have to look far at all. Just north of Stirling, on the way to Marmora, is the farmstead of the Ontario Water Buffalo Company, home to some 450 of the creatures. It’s hard not to do a double take as you drive past the place, as you think you have stumbled on a scene from Beasts of the Southern Wild. Now I am the first to admit that the police in Stirling should have the first dibs on the animals, but given that the Stirling-Rawdon police force comprises only eight officers (the smallest force in Ontario), there would appear to be lots of excess inventory for another police force that wants to get the jump on its rivals. And given the County’s insistence on innovative, local (we’re less than 65 kilometres apart) solutions, as well as its flair for publicity, I also suggest that the County OPP detachment be the one seeking to get that jump.

And the best thing about water buffalo is that you can use it to produce cheese (ricotta and mozzarella) and meat—and that’s over and above the fact that you can ride it and pet it. You just can’t use it for meat and ride it (or pet it) at the same time.

So if you happen to see a goodly number of gruff looking people in civilian gear at this year’s Water Buffalo Food Festival, to be held in Stirling on September 19, don’t be alarmed when you see them test driving the product. They’ll just be our local police on an undercover mission: to be the first force to go cuter than a cruiser. Which is kind of cute itself.

dsimmonds@wellingtontimes.ca