Columnists
Two days left
Just two days till Christmas
In the place where folks are told
It’s the coolest spot when the weather’s hot
And the hottest when it’s cold
Excited kids are cautioned
Be good for goodness’ sake
Or you’ll finish out your childhood
In Wellington on the Lake
But they’re on their best behaviour
Because they know when Santa’s stuck
He entrusts his key deliveries
To a yellow hardware truck
Each Wednesday it’s a certainty
The truck will reappear
And today’s its final visit
Till that best day of the year
Staffers pace the pavement
Restrain the swelling crowd
They’ve set out orange pylons
And the street’s been freshly plowed
Then someone yells “I see it!”—
And the yellow truck pulls in
The crowd breaks out in wild applause
And the staff relax and grin
The truck is slowly emptied
Folks jostle for a look
Did he bring that saw for Grandma?
Has he got Dad’s three-inch hook?
There’s roofing nails for sister
Some duct tape just for Mum
A pitchfork for my cousins
But I’m the one who’s glum
No trace of liquorice allsorts
Head office dropped the ball
No boxes on the store shelves
In the warehouse—none at all
The shortage is an outrage
No ifs or ands or buts
But I suck it up and pout and buy
A tin of roasted nuts
And I offer a suggestion
For a novel retail plan
Why not chocolate-covered drillbits
Or screws in marzipan?
The door is slammed behind me,
They’ve fastened all the locks
Just my luck for venturing
To think outside the box
As I regain my consciousness
(As Sergeant Renfrew said)
I contemplate my Christmas list
For the year that lies ahead
A box of liquorice allsorts
Is all I really need
So I’ll slip in just a couple more
And Santa might take heed
Each year I’ve had the same request
A local pump will do
Oh and since I’m dreaming here
Say a take out Timmys too
But now there’s gas and donuts
Where once lay barren ground
My wildest dreams have all come true
And new ones must be found
Be careful what you wish for
The Chinese proverb says
So I’ll settle for some peace on earth
And a dose of sunny ways
If Wellington’s where dreams come true
A bright future is foretold
In the coolest spot when the weather’s hot
And the hottest when it’s cold.
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