Columnists
Searching for Churchill
It has been a week filled with political tension in the UK, as the March 29 deadline for Britain’s escape from the European Union moves ever closer. The British parliament has now voted down Theresa May’s Brexit deal twice, but has also voted down the idea of leaving the EU without an exit deal in place. So Ms. May has to go ask the EU for a deadline extension, and either remodel the deal or turn around the domestic skeptics.
The spectacle is tawdry. The EU is exasperated. Britain can’t agree on what it wants, and its international standing just erodes with every new twist and turn. And the money hates the uncertainty, and looks elsewhere.
What does Ms. May have left to offer the Europeans? If I were her, I would go the EU bearing gifts, such as a cabinet order preventing the export of Marmite for as long as the deal is in place. A ban on Rolling Stones tours.
A guarantee of the continuity of supply of Rose’s Lime Marmalade, and a promise to keep making costume dramas like Downton Abbey. But that may not be enough to solve such thorny issues as the Irish Backstop problem.
What the British are patently lacking is leadership, of the ‘follow me to the promised land’ variety. Ms. May— poor heckled soul—has tried her best, but seems only to breed contempt. Her days are probably numbered.
So what does the pool of potential leaders look like? From the legislative crowd, Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t seem to have a lot to offer, except anger. Boris Johnson is only in it for the attention. The only parliamentarian who has stood out has been the speaker of the House—but mainly for his bellicosity, which may not be much of an asset for a visionary leader.
So perhaps the British should look for a leader outside the political trenches. How about Hugh Grant, for example? He would bring typical British self-deprecation and apparent bumbling to the post, while still providing a dose of charm adequate to get the girl in the end. Or what about Eric Clapton? It wasn’t such a long time ago that the image of “Clapton is God” was everywhere you looked. Euro politicians were teenagers once too, and would gladly trade a few concessions on a withdrawal treaty for a genuine Clapton autograph.
Not satisfied with those suggestions? How about Mary Berry, the co-host of the Great British Baking Show? She can say negative things without appearing too cruel. Or Michael Caine: his cockney accent would certainly amuse the EU people. There’s David Attenborough, who could treat the withdrawal agreement as if it were some special on wildlife preservation and slip a deal past the Europeans as they were drifting off to sleep.
My personal choice would be Rowan Atkinson. When negotiations got tough, he could break into his Mr. Bean persona And you know what they say: you can’t get mad when you’re laughing.
Perhaps the solution to the search for great leaders lies in science. It was in these pages not that many months ago where I reported that they are close to bringing extinct reptiles back to life, just as the Jurassic movies foresaw. It would not be much of a stretch to imagine the British hell bent on bringing Winston Churchill back to life to save the country a second time. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if they had already recruited eminent geneticists for a kind of Manhattan Project to do just that. I just hope Churchill’s DNA is still available: anyone saving his old cigar butts and drinking glasses could be sitting on a goldmine.
But why stop at one great leader. Why not add the best of the rest? For compassion, you could toss in a little Margaret Thatcher. For agreeability, you could toss in some Neville Chamberlain. For warmth, you could try a dash of Edward Heath.
And there is no reason to stop at politicians, Why not get some DNA from Florence Nightingale? Or from the recently deceased Gordon Banks, the goalkeeper for the English soccer team that won the 1966 World Cup. Or from Jane Austen? Or George Bernard Shaw?
Having said all of that, there are still prognosticators around who think that Theresa May will, health permitting, bring home a Brexit that is approved by the British parliament and public. If so, I will be among the first to sing her praises. For good measure, I’ll sing them to an Eric Clapton tune.
Comments (0)