Columnists
A Sign of the Times
The sign has been erected along Wharf Street where the former Cribs on the Creek used to be. The Cribs website refers you over to the Drake website, and the Drake website says it’s “coming soon”. So I guess it’s official: the Drake empire is expanding, and the Drake Motor Inn will be the first manifestation of that expansion.
The Drake has purchased the property that includes the Cribs, the Midtown Brewing Company and, last but not least, numerous parking spaces in the downtown Wellington core. It’s a tremendous vote of confidence in the future of Wellington—a positive future echoed in the fact that two developers recently held open houses at which they trumpeted the proposed construction of some 800 new housing units over the next decade or so.
Is there a “next shoe” to drop after this acquisition? Are we likely to see the Drake make a play to purchase the brewery, rather than just act as its landlord, and turn all the locally brewed beers into Drake house labels? After the success of the third annual Barnburner Classic hockey game at the Wellington arena in February, will the Drake seek to become the owner of our beloved Wellington Dukes? And change their name to the Drakes? Or seek out exclusive sweater sponsorship, and leave our toilet rental and home heating companies out in the advertising cold?
I’m sure the Drake people are savvy enough to know when they might be overreaching. But here are some of the less extreme rumours we are hearing that may have just a little more credence to them.
The Eastern Ontario Major Junior B Women’s Full Contact Competitive Yoga league is making plans to operate in six locations next fall (including Campbellford, Cobourg and Gananoque), and has earmarked one for the County. We hear the Drake already has first dibs on the franchise. When you think about it, the fit is there—the demographic is right, the sport is right; “Empowering Women with Attitude” seems like a slogan around which people could rally. As a team name, the “Wellington Duchesses” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue; nor does the ‘Wellington Hens’ seem appropriate. But that just means there could be an exciting contest to choose the right one.
We are also hearing that the Drake is planning to sponsor a ‘Hipster Awareness Week’ this spring to enable hotel visitors and local residents to get to know one another better. Some of the outreach events planned include a “My truck-for-your-Mini” trade event, where locals will arrange for visitors to drive their trucks (mostly Fords, but some Dodges and GMCs) down unmaintained roads, while at the same time visitors allow County residents the use of their cars (mostly Minis, but some BMWs and Acuras) at safe speeds on major roads.
There is also rumoured to be in the works an “Unshaven Icebreaker” whereby County males with facial stubble will mingle and compare fashion and beauty tips with full-bearded hipsters. Wearers of plaid workwear will also be invited to exchange notes, as will wearers of headgear such as ball caps and toques; while seminars on trouser tightness and arm and leg length will celebrate differences in what it means to be masculine.
County residents will also be offered lessons in how to approach hipsters in distress unable to summon an Uber driver or order sushi delivered on their smartphones, while visitors will be offered counselling to assure them that it is safe to make eye contact and engage in perfunctory salutations with local residents they pass by—including, for vehicle-to-vehicle or vehicle-to-pedestrian encounters, the use of the County Wave.
A brief session will also be offered each week in the summer season on how to shop at a grocery store that is not Whole Foods; how to deal wth a human bank teller; and how to find nightlife after eight (euchre lessons by another title).
Local authorities are convinced all this concern to make visitors to an expanded Drake empire feel comfortable will pay both immediate dividends in enhancing visitors’ experience and future dividends in attracting new residents. “I may even go to the unshaven thing myself,” said one County staffer. “And I can teach euchre in my sleep!”
If you thought times were good now, you will barely be able to contain your excitement at the erection of the new sign, because it surely signals even better times to come.
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