Columnists
A mediocre response
So according to our Prime Minister, physical distancing and social isolation will become the “new normal” for a while yet. If that’s the case, we have some thinking to do.
It was only less than a year ago—June 14, 2019—that the Toronto Raptors won the NBA championship, beating the Golden State Warriors in six games. A few days later, the Raptors’ victory parade literally ground the city to a standstill, as a crowd estimated at well over a million thronged the streets to celebrate the team’s victory.
The current NBA season is temporarily suspended, so the possibility of a repeat championship is academic for the time being. But if the season resumes, there is a real possibility the Raptors could win the whole shooting match again.
However, authorities are concerned that should the Raptors do so, a victory celebration of a similar magnitude may break out, That can’t happen in 2020. Public health officials won’t allow it. The possibility of spreading the coronavirus is too great. A crowd that size couldn’t keep two metres apart no matter how hard It tried. Therefore, there are plans afoot to order the team not to win the championship this year. Yes, you heard it right; the team will be ordered to lose. Public health trumps the sporting instinct to try to win. Tanking will be the new watchword.
How is this going to go down with the players, each of whom has the ultra-competitive gene in his body? How do you tell them to send a slam dunk off the rim, launch that buzzer-beating three-pointer just a split second too late, or pass the ball ‘unintentionally’ to the opposition? With great difficulty, I imagine. James Naismith must be rolling over in his peach basket.
And that raises another question. Toronto isn’t the only NBA city with a coronavirus problem. What if the New York Knicks and the Brooklyn Nets decided they too couldn’t risk a victory parade? What if every NBA team reached the same conclusion. There would then be a race to the bottom. The players’ competitiveness would motivate them to beat the other teams at tanking. Tanking might suit the team owners, who pay their star players astronomical salaries If the object were to lose, you could stock your roster with journeymen and forget the stars. Of course, if NBA games became exercises in mediocrity fewer people would come to watch. While this may have a negative effect on the franchise owners, it would at least help achieve the public health objective of maintaining appropriate distance between spectators. One just hopes the cost of a seat won’t jump to ten times the current price to make up for the revenue lost on unsold seats. It’s a fine balance, but so long as the product is mediocre, the power should lie with the paying customers.
In fact, there may be a widespread demand for mediocrity once public places such as concert halls reopen. Keeping to the two-metre rule may require the booking of acts who don’t sell many tickets. It may go over better than a multifold increase in seat prices. (The anomaly lies with the Toronto Maple Leafs. A perennially mediocre team still sells out every game at Scotiabank Place. At least public health officials don’t have to worry about a parade breaking out after a Leafs Stanley Cup victory.)
Perhaps mediocrity is more of a social good than we give it credit for. I am reminded of the defence of Richard Nixon’s failed nomination of the unremarkable G. Harold Carswell to the United States Supreme Court. Senator Roman Hruska, a Nebraska Republican, stated: “Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they, and a little chance? We can’t have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos.” And even John Prine, who was far from mediocre himself, once put out a duo recording with Mac Wiseman entitled Standard Songs for Average People. If mediocre was good enough for him, it’s good enough for me.
Let’s hope the NBA season resumes soon, and that the team doesn’t have to go into tank mode. Let’s hope the Raptors get to the finals and get off a timely buzzer-beater that wins the championship if it goes in. But this year, I hope it bounces twice off the rim and is gathered up by an opponent—so there is no parade, and Toronto avoids a public health crisis, Everybody goes home happy, more or less.
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