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Handmade Holidays
Like a lot of you, I really and truly thought the COVID- 19 pandemic would be over and done now. Seriously, I kinda snorted when we were told it would be around until May or June of 2020, then it would vanish. I couldn’t believe it would last “that long” all the way to May or June, 2020. Here we are, and now it’s beginning to look a lot like another COVID-19 Lockdown Holiday Season. If Hallmark Corporation hasn’t jumped on the opportunity to create holiday cards to reflect the state of our masked, sanitized, vaccinated, socially distanced, retail shortages, bubbled groups they obviously are more optimistic than the rest of us are about the outcome of this nightmare we’re living. Honestly, if I see a bare face when I’m out in public I’m so surprised and I can feel my heart racing, my palms sweating and my mouth getting drier. I get light-headed and wobbly—and not in a good way. Maybe it’s the holiday cheer in my java, but I think the real answer is, I’m beginning to feel like we’ll never see the end of The Pandemic and “Who the heck is that person who walks around without a mask?”
As I spend another day being politely and socially distanced from my friends and family, I think there has to be an opportunity for an enterprising person to make some money on the state we’re in. Especially in the greeting card business. Come on crafty friends, hop on the bandwagon and ride it all the way to the bank. Imagine the fun you could have with a twelve-pack of Pandemic Christmas Cards. Think of the fun people who would have sitting at their computer screen Zooming and pitching their kitschy holiday lines like “Happy Hydroxychloroquine Holiday!” “Dasher, Prancer, Moderna, Vixen, Pfizer, Cupid, AstraZeneca, Blitzen”, “The Pandemic outside is frightful. But the bubble we’re in is delightful”, “Season’s Vaccine-sonings”, “Merry Sanitizing and Happy New Masks”, “I’m Dreaming of a White Face Mask”, and, my favourite, “Baby it’s COVID Outside”. And, what about ornaments? While I’ve seen a few Pandemic-themed ornaments, wouldn’t it be fun for a local person to create some keepsake souvenirs of a lockdown Christmas? You know, the kind of keepsakes that are advertised on the back of magazines. Instead of dewy-eyed angels rendered in bisque or porcelain, how about some festive, pandemic- paunchy elves breaking the shelves under their weight whilst cramming their chocolate-smeared gobs with the treats some little kid left for Santa. I see these little delights being crafted in something elegant like FIMO™. It could be a cottage industry for a small community.
And, why are we worried about the supply chain for turkeys and booze? I see a whole new trend toward a holiday pizza with locally sourced toppings or festive wieners and beans or Spamkey (which sounds kind of rude). What about bootleg booze made using the leftover Christmas cake and fermenting the mash in the crockpot Santa brought last year or putting that sourdough starter to good use. Yeah, the sourdough starter you mixed up last March and have been feeding but never got around to using it in a batch of bread. Give it purpose! We are surrounded by opportunities to have some fun and get the kids, or grandkids, involved in a few HOHOHO science experiments. I see Sourdough Gin Kits peeking out of little stockings. I see a homemade still (there’s another business opportunity, making a still) under the tree for Uncle Ebenezer or Meemaw. Meemaw doesn’t want another apron or a pair of earrings, take it from this GranGran.
Seriously folks, I think we’re in this for the long haul. You know I’m right. The thing is, we can have some good, sanitized, safely distanced fun with The Pandemic, or we can grouse and Grinch about it. Speaking of the Grinch, I wonder if he uses hand-sanitizer and shows Cindy-loo Who his vaccine receipts every time he sneaks into a Who House to steal the WhoHash. And, speaking of WhoHash, what’s really in WhoHash? Asking for a friend.
Pull up your hand-knitted socks and get your creative juices flowing, kids. It’s going to be another long, socially distanced winter.
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