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Thankful, Plateful
Thanksgiving! It’s such a lovely holiday. Today, the leftovers have been presented and no one complained. The whole house is a bit topsy-turvy. We’ve got a bit of extra laundry.There’s evidence of a visit from a six-year-old that has popped-up in the six-year-oldest places. As I write this I spot a vintage HotWheels under the coffee table amidst the remains of a pretzel stick and a little bowl of orange segments. Uncle Mat’s Optimus Prime (resurrected from the vintage toy stash) is residing next to the microwave in the kitchen. Someone’s sporty, little black socks are in the front hall by the shoe rack. LOML and I are sitting on the couch smiling and exhausted, but we’re smiling. Yep, the family has been here. In the few short hours, while everyone was here, we discussed books we’ve read, books we want to read, movies we’ve seen, movies that we need to see and have been added to “My List” and places we want to visit or revisit. Mostly, we keep politics out of the house during family visits, including family politics. We make a bit of music, have a lot of laughs, talk about holidays past, chat about the people who have passed and wonder about what will be in the next few weeks before we get together again for Parade Weekend.
As much as I have learned from all of my years of being a parent, I am here to say the best parenting experiences have been what I have learned from our children. For the most part, parenting now is very different from the days when LOML and I had wee ones to chase around. Of course, we tried to avoid a few of the more heavyhanded methods parents used in the “good old days”. And while we were never textbook parents, we did manage to raise a bunch of kind, respectful, generous, creative and intelligent kids. We experienced only a few hiccups here and there. Our kids, in turn, have children of their own and their offspring are all of what their parents are and a bag of Hallowe’en chips. In the last decade or so a whole lot of parenting types have adopted a method of childrearing that has been referred to as “Gentle Parenting”. I suppose never saying “no” to your child and turning a “oopsy” into a psychological lecture is a whole lot better than being firm and straightforward. Or so I’ve been told by so many Google Gurus and Gentle Parents. The thing is, in the long run, I haven’t seen a lot of positive outcomes from that kind of parenting. But it’s a style I’m willing to observe, absorb and investigate. And, to be perfectly clear, our children are not among those who practice “gentle parenting”. However, they are a lot more patient and understanding than LOML and I ever were. Our generation was about having the upper hand and being in control. That meant we were always right and “because I said so” was often the answer. Honestly, I used the old “because I said so” because I didn’t know what the H E double hockey sticks I was doing and was frustrated with one of our darlings’ behaviour. Sometimes it worked. Often it didn’t.
Over the last sixteen years I have watched as our children loved and listened to their children. They helped them to work through their big feelings. “Big feelings” is definitely something I didn’t quite understand “in my day”, but I’ve been paying attention and am giving “big feelings” a bit more respect. The world of our children and their children has become a more understanding, more compassionate and more empathetic place. This world is a little bit calmer, much more respectful and very forgiving. Just when I thought I knew it all, our children showed us there’s always room for improvement.
I am thankful for the ongoing education our children provide. I’m delighted for the people who made the mess in the kitchen disappear. I’m grateful for the music, the laughs, the noise and am especially thrilled for the peace of the day after the festivities.
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