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A loving hand-up
Remember way back when I wrote about mental health? Yeah, you do. I’ve been thinking about mental health a lot, recently. A few weeks ago I was reminded of the fragility of a person’s mental health when a young friend told me he was working to stay clean and sober. He has embraced religion as his touchstone, so to speak. I’m not what you would call a religious person, but I understood he needed just a bit more than his friends and family to encourage him. He wants to feel grounded. He wants purpose. He felt he needed insight, perspective and peace along with guidance. Happily, he has found focus in his adopted religion. He didn’t choose Christianity. And, for many of his friends and family, it has brought a bit of criticism for his choice and speculation as to how long he will stay sober and clean by following ancient teachings. I’ve known this person for almost all of his life. Everyone who knows him has seen him prosper and then endure heartbreaking setbacks. In the last ten years the setbacks seem to have dominated. Through all of his trials he has had kindness, tough love and support from his family. Aside from his addiction and the challenge sobriety places upon him, he deals with anxiety and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I know. I know what you’re thinking. But mental health issues aren’t very straightforward, are they? It will never be as easy as stopping this or doing that or going to meetings or making promises. There will never be a one-way street to recovery.
All of that being said, many of us still believe it’s easy for a person who lives with a mental illness to just stop and get their muck sorted. I know we feel this way because in the past I thought it was as simple as making better choices, to simply “get over it” and be “normal”. I, like a lot of all y’all, had absolutely no idea what mental illness was/is. In my younger days we had oodles of euphemisms for mental illness and thought absolutely nothing of tarring those who were suffering with that brush. The words we used made it easier for us to distance ourselves from a person who was suffering. “He’s nuttier than a fruitcake. She’s got a screw loose. The cheese slipped off their cracker.” If we made a joke of the condition it couldn’t be serious, right? We didn’t understand, and we coped by making jokes. So, let’s drop the weasel words. Mental illness isn’t contagious. People who deal with mental illness work very hard to appear to be without problems. Some people who are mentally ill suffer in silence because their so called support network often doesn’t listen, offer real support, lose patience, publicly discuss their concerns and don’t respect their autonomy. It’s easier to dismiss their experiences because we are uncomfortable in our ignorance. But what can we do? Glad you asked!
We can listen without interrupting or judging. We can be a soft-shoulder. We can be a friend. We can offer a hand-up by helping them find the support they need in their community. If a person is struggling mentally, often they will struggle in other areas as well. We could help with appointments or errands. Sometimes ordinary, everyday things can seem overwhelming. Support their good decisions and be available if the decisions don’t work out. Educate yourself about mental health issues. Respect their privacy. If you are supporting someone with mental health challenges it can be emotionally and physically draining, so take care of yourself. Remember, it’s always okay to ask for help for yourself or for the person you are assisting.
Every one of us knows someone who is dealing with depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviours. “Not all of the battles are visible and neither are the victories.” Brittany Burgunder.
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