County gives big bonjour

All has been silent on the County’s economic development front for several months. But armed with statistics from the 2011 summer season, County officials are getting ready to roll out an exciting new initiative, perhaps to prove that we don’t need a marketing genius to lead us into the promised land.

The stats have revealed what most people know from experience. The francophone tourist is becoming very important to the County. Hence, County officials intend the weekend of Aug. 17-19, 2012 to be styled “joie de vivre” days. The aim of the program is, of course, to make francophones feel welcome by hosting francophone-friendly events and getting the local populace to think franco-friendly.

The keystone event will be a salute to outgoing Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe. Duceppe, now out of office, will be honoured as the ‘father of the new Duke- Dome’. Key players involved in the construction process say that without him, it just wouldn’t have been built. It sounds implausible, but work it through: without Duceppe, there would have been no Liberal/Bloc/NDP coalition; without the coalition, there would have been no threat to the Conservative minority government; and without that threat, there would have been no infrastructure program, and therefore no DukeDome And now that we have a Conservative majority government (at the federal level), the only infrastructure we’ll see built around the County is to get our water fountains and bird baths refinished if Tony Clement hosts some trade meeting or other in Marmora. Provincially, all we may get is revenge.

Duceppe is also expected to be the honorary parade marshall in a “celebration of cheese-making” parade between the 5th Town cheese plant and the Black River cheese plant. “That man sacrificed a lot of his personal dignity by putting on a hairnet and touring a cheese plant. We owe him one, although it would be nice if he wore the hairnet one more time to entertain parade watchers,” explained an official.

Individual residents in the County will be asked to do their bit. Those not fluent in French will be asked to master one common French expression from an approved list, which includes such favourites as “comme ci, comme ca; “je ne sais pas”; “je ne sais quois”; “les toilettes sont seulment pour les patrons”; “maudits anglais” and “tabernacle.” Those who can’t master a single phrase will be asked simply to shrug and gesticulate in the manner of an old master, Rene Levesque. For the duration of the event, Maple Leaf sweaters (and Senators sweaters, although noone has ever seen one) will be informally banned from the County; and grade school children will each be expected to read Roch Carrier’s “The Hockey Sweater.” All County residents will, for the weekend in question, be expected to display their joie de vivre by greeting one another in the European, air-kiss-toeach- cheek style. Open registration workshops on acquiring the requisite technique are scheduled to be held in Picton, Milford and Consecon in April.

Of course, our entertainment and food industry is getting in on the action. Popular Montreal mascot Youppi! has been booked to play the Accoustic Grill, and, rumour has it, recording a live album. And the Waring House will be featuring for the first time an act that is popular throughout Quebec, called “Danseuses Nues.” French toast, French bread, French onion soup, French fries and French dressing will all be prominent on County menus, as will, of course, poutine.

But that’s just the beginning. Always on the lookout for bold new initiatives, County officials have noted that 2012 marks the 80th anniversary of the ever popular Jos Louis bar, named after the two sons of Joseph-Arcade Vachon, who founded the J-A Vachon et fils company in Quebec in the hope of persuading his sons to return from New York state in their search for employment. Vachon is now a cog in the vast Saputo corporate empire. So the idea is: challenge sommeliers from around the County to match a County wine with an appropriate J-A Vachon treat. A Jos Louis bar with a pinot noir, for example. Or a Passion Flakie with a rose. Or a Vanilla Half Moon with a chardonnay. (The Vachon website already contains a “suggestions from the chef” section, which includes such delicacies as Jelly Logs canapes and the May West club sandwich).

“Your first reaction may be to recoil”, said the County official. “But just think of the markets that would open up if wine came to be thought of as an appropriate complement to snack food. And if Saputo were to market it….’ His voice trailed off in awe.

So there you have it. A project with the potential of a souffle, both on the downside and on the upside. Let’s get in the joie de vivre together and help the souffle rise! Who needs economic development strategies?

David Simmonds’s writing is also available at www.grubstreet.ca.