Two snowbirds with one stone

It’s half past December. Yes it is. Yet, we’ve barely had a couple of flurries and a bit of frost on the windows of our trucks and cars. Even though the meteorologists have predicted a warm and green week or two to come, I’ll bet the real winter is just around the corner waiting to pounce and blanket. I feel it in my bones. The temperature will plummet, the icy wind will blow and heaps of snow will make an appearance. Boots and mittens and scarves and bulky coats will turn us all into the Michelin Man. Running and walking, outof- doors, will become a sport and shovels will replace trowels on the side porches of our homes.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with winter. I might grumble a bit if I have to shovel two days in a row but, this is Canada, after all. The County has seen some doozy snow days in the past with thanks to the lake and its effect on the weather. But, no, this column isn’t about winters past, roads closed, buses cancelled, empty antifreeze carboys, cold toes, snotty noses or even about winters yet to come.

So, my point is (and I do have one) how some of us (depending on your perspective), handle the inclement weather when we’re heading out to, or on the road in, our Rolls-can-hardlies. Is it just me or have you noticed how some drivers lack respect for dangerous, winterweather driving conditions? And, for the record, I’m not saying this is just a local thing. Little else yanks my “grouchy-oldgal- chain” more than the idiots who are too flipping lazy to clean off the vehicles before they head out. This isn’t about gender, by the way. As many men as women are guilty of giving the front window a dainty swipe before hopping in behind the wheel and taking their chances with visibility. Nor is it an age-related issue. And all y’all know who you are. From what I can tell it would be far too much work to dig around in the trunk or reach behind the driver’s seat for the brush and scraper. The extra five minutes under the blankies and a second cup of coffee didn’t leave you enough time to attend to the frills and thrills of winter driving. You’re in too big a hurry to scrap more than a postage stamp-sized patch on your windscreen. Your hands might get cold or worse, you might get snow on your jacket. Egads, we wouldn’t want that to happen. And seriously, as we all know, winter driving only requires visibility straight ahead because everything is covered in snow and there really isn’t much to look at, right? And, truth be told, we all know the defroster will take care of everything else before you get to the drive-through where you’ll power down your window, effectively clearing it while you order your frothy, doublesweet, third cup of the day. Two snowbirds with one stone, I say. A window clearing and a caffeine fix at the same time. While you’re at it, and feeling virtuous, why not power down the passenger-side front window, too. There you go.

And, while I’m going down this icy road, I could be wrong but it seems to me the snowywindow boneheads are usually the same people who drive around with a loaf of snow piled on their roof. You know, the precarious bun of white that slowly makes its way across the roof and down the back window only to explode into a mini blinding-blizzard once it becomes airborne and makes its way onto the vehicles behind. Forget the black holes of outer space, snowloaf-energy times black ice equals massive mess on my clear windshield.

To all of you winter-idiots I say, “Your dangerous ignorance of the geometric theory of gravitation is dazzling. Your insensitivity is stellar. I hope Santa warps your stocking.”

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca