The real thing

The idea came to me after reading a short article in the winter edition of Watershed magazine.

In the article, the proprietors of the Hinterland Wine Company (located here in the County) explain that early harvesting of Chardonnay and Pinot Noir grapes both captures a “jolt of fresh acidity” suited to a sparkling wine and conveniently avoids having to hang on to watch the crop being destroyed or life being made miserable by rain and frost. (And to prove the point, the wine critic Tony Aspler is quoted as saying this is the kind of wine the County should be producing.)

In my eureka moment, I realized that the valuable resource the County should be milking is not the wine but instead the grape. If all these little pearls are being lost on the vine and turned to mulch, couldn’t something better be done with them? Wasn’t there another drink we could make?

So I thought, why not try changing a variable? Bubbles has already been taken. But how about alcohol? I’m not talking here about putting out one of those ersatz no-alcohol wines that are on display in the supermarkets but that nobody buys. I’m thinking bigger. I’m thinking grape soda. County grape soda. I know, it seems like any fool could come up with the idea, but I am rushing to be the first.

To start off with, no one drinks a lot of grape soda, and it doesn’t taste much like grapes anyway. And why is that? Because grape soda doesn’t usually contain any grapes at all. The grape taste is transmitted by a tasty little chemical called sodium benzoate, with a dash of rosin and sodium hexametaphosphate. I looked it up.

So if we have some extra County grapes, we’ve immediately got a new product: County grape soda made with real grapes. Just think of the opportunity. You’ve got all these well-heeled souls tootling round the County with their palates hanging out waiting to be educated. So, regardless of what it tastes like, you put County grapes in soda, and you tell people “it’s got real grapes in it, that’s what it’s supposed to taste like”, and they’ll hug you and thank you for it. We’re selling the cachet here, not the contents: the grapes can be frozen on the vine, or sodden with water for all it matters. Just as long as they are real County grapes. (There may be some sort of issue as to how grapes will fuse with soda, but chemistry—and chemical flavouring—can always be trumped by ingenuity.)

Is there a market for a County grape soda? You bet chiraz there is! Take a look at the demographic. The boomers are all starting to retire in the County, or make lightning excursions from one of the 150 or so luxury condo towers under construction in Toronto. They want an upscale experience, and if they live here they want their children and grandchildren to come and visit them. What could fit more neatly?

We can market the soda in genuine recycled County glass, and put it in artisan bottles molded into the shape of the County. Or better still—and here’s a really good idea—we can both build on the County’s history and appeal to those of our councillors who want real manufacturing jobs by re-opening a canning operation. After all, most people drink their pop out of cans. There’s got to be a government grant in there somewhere. Think of how well a factory grape soda pop tour would complement a winery tour, and how many direct sales could be made because no one can say no to a grandkid. Come think of it, we could even put some pop into limited edition barrels made by Pete the Barrel Maker for derivatives traders to buy for their children.

Forgive me if I sound effervescent about the possibilities, but just think of them. If grape soda takes off—and in my mind it’s only a matter of seizing the moment—we could move into genuine flavoured sodas from other County strengths, like pumpkin pie or asparagus.

And if for some reason that doesn’t pan out, we could just move a little further down the grape food chain. How about County grape jelly? Or County raisins? Now there’s a thought: we could have The Reasons dress up as the Ontario Raisins and go head to head with those guys from California. My money’s on County boys every time. But let’s stick the soda for now, and just remember, success is at least 60 per cent attitude, 50 per cent good luck and good timing, and only 10 per cent planning. Let’s go for it!

David Simmonds’s writing is also available at www.grubstreet.ca.