N plus one equals…

Easter weekend is just around the corner. At the risk of annoying anyone who sees Easter as a religious occasion, let me start by saying for me and my family, “It’s a wonderful, long weekend.” Our kids, their kids, their partners, their ex-partners and their friends come home for a few days and we have a good time. Everyone takes turns cooking. Everyone has a hand in stocking the beer shelf in the fridge and everyone helps with the washing-up of dishes, glasses and mugs. The car parked closest to the road is the fetch-it-mobile for the restocking of the snacks, beverages and coffee beans. The front hall table is covered with IPods, IPads, IPhones, car keys, house keys and cameras. I’m comfortable, and very happy, with our definition of Easter weekend.

Together we celebrate the end of winter and the beginning of spring by eating together, laughing together and heading out and about, in The County, with a to-heck-with-wearing our- heavy-duty-winter-wear attitude. However, prior to everyone’s arrival on Good Golly Friday and on what many people refer to as Maundy Thursday or Holy Thursday and what we refer to as Hall Thursday, LOML and I attempt reduce the contents of the front hall coat and boot rack by about two-thirds. We wash the boot tray, matchup the stray mitts and gloves, send the winter coats to the storage room and, for the first time since Hallowe’en, we end the day with a couple of empty coat hooks and space on the footwear rack for the arrival of family on Friday.

Each Hall Thursday LOML and I laughingly ask each other just how many jackets, coats, pairs of running shoes, winter boots, mittens, gloves and scarves does one couple really need to have in their front hall? Think about it. There is a right answer for everyone’s house. It’s as mathematical a formula as the one for how many bicycles a person should own. At our house, right now, the week before Maple in The County and two weeks before Easter weekend, we have nine overcoats (a mix of rain gear, running jackets and subzero stuff), eight pairs of mitts and four pairs of gloves, 16 pairs of boots and shoes—mostly running and gym shoes—three pairs of slippers and at least 10 kilograms of grit—made up of ice melter, sand and mystery stuff from the driveway. In years gone by, we used to dread Hall Thursday, but now it has become a pres-pring ceremony followed by mugs of strong, hot coffee and an overrated movie. As far as movies go, Spartacus comes to mind, or The Ten Commandments, if only for the parallels in the epic uprising against evil or, in our case, the epic uprising against “winter” and winterwear.

And for those of you asking “they obviously don’t observe Easter in a religious fashion so do they buy Easter Eggs?” The answer is “We aren’t completely hopeless. We like chocolate as much as the next observant celebrant. Yes, we buy Easter eggs.” Additionally, we have been known to pick up a few chocolate Easter bunnies and pastel coloured jelly beans. And, even though our youngest child no longer believes in the Easter Bunny, we still hide treats for everyone who happens to be visiting us over the long weekend. In the years since our children were “children”, LOML and I have learned some valuable Easter weekend lessons, such as it isn’t a good idea to hide chocolate bunnies, candy eggs and bunny berries behind the curtains in a southfacing window. But as the years have flown by our egg hunters have become more adept at finding the goodies and, maybe we’ve become more predictable about our hiding places. The dreaded Hall Thursday was in the past was usually followed, two days later, by “Melted Chocolate on the Window Sill Monday.” We’ve honed our game.

However it is that you and yours do Easter, be prepared for someone who doesn’t like your interpretation of the long weekend. Everyone is a critic, me included. By the way, the formula for bicycle ownership is, as our good doctor neighbour says, “N” plus one equals the number of bikes you should own.” “N”, of course, being the number of bikes you already own. Hey, that formula could apply to the number of chocolate bunnies you eat on the long weekend. “N” being the number of chocolate bunnies you’ve already consumed. Shalom.

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca