A big wet kiss

They’ve finally concluded that enough is enough. Organized crime families are coming out of the shadows, fighting back and hiring lobbyists to protect their position in the production, distribution and sale of marijuana.

“There’s been too much emphasis placed on the “crime” part of our client’s activities, and too little on the “organized” part,” says registered lobbyist Jacob Roach, who is the principal of Roach and Associates in Ottawa, a firm he describes as a “one-man shop.”

Roach’s client is the newly formed Organized Family Syndicates of Canada (OFSC), an association that brings together, at least for the task at hand, the major players in the organized crime field in Canada. According to corporate records obtained by The Times, the president of OFSC is one Antonio Guaccamoli, of Milton, Ontario. An Ontario Provincial Police spokesperson would state only that Guaccamoli, otherwise known as “Tony Dip,” was “known to police”

Roach readily acknowledges Guaccamoli’s identity, but notes that Guaccamoli has never been convicted of a “major crime,” (A press report back in the early 1980s linked Guaccamoli to the death of a purported rival whose dismembered body was found in a suitcase dredged up in Lake Ontario. Charges were never laid, however, as police could not satisfy Crown prosecutors that foul play was involved.)

Roach insists that Canadians must not be turned off by what he calls “superficialities.” “The bedrock fact is that what has made the people I represent successful is a commitment to entrepreneurship, efficiency and family,” he says. “Plus, we put a high value on loyalty and honour, we have a tight command and control structure, and we have effective enforcement mechanisms to ensure our goals are met. I defy any government to say the same about its public service.

“And besides,” continues Roach, “if being involved in the marijuana business is no longer to be a crime, how can governments continue to refer to us as a criminal organization? We’re just organized, in the business, and eager to continue to do our part.”

What the OFSC is not particularly keen on is the prospect of being unceremoniously turfed out of the marijuana business. “If this was any other line of business, you know there’d be a firestorm of opposition to the government taking over what has traditionally been a family business preserve,” says Roach. Roach would not rule out his client seeking compensation, noting that the government’s’ actions “violate the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Roach said litigation was likely to be a “last resort,” however, because his client usually pursues other means of obtaining the results it seeks “quite effectively.”

The OFSC is putting forward an alternative model for the government to consider. Rather than interpose itself as a middleman between producer and consumer, or enter into a public/private partnership, the government should simply legalize marijuana and let the free market take care of the rest. Marijuana is just another price-sensitive commondity, states Roach. Therefore, he “cannot rule out” that if government prices the commodity too high, it will remain in the business, even if that is unlawful. “Just like Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement broke laws upholding segregation, we are prepared to break the sole supplier rule and stay in the marijuana business to serve the public,” notes Roach.

Alternatively, the OFSC urges government to put as high a tax as it possibly can on the substance, on the assumption that government will price itself out of the market for pot, thereby leaving the field open for organized crime (“don’t call it organized crime,” insists Roach; “just say “OFSC members”) to continue to service the market.

However, the OFSC is putting out an olive branch. It is prepared—unconditionally and free of charge—to assist government in several ways. It offers to help identify Canadians who have invested assets offshore, and persuade them “using every means at our disposal” to bring these assets back to Canada. It proposes imposing consequencs “appropriate to the gravity of the screwup” on those responsible for the design and implementation of the government’s rightly maligned Phoenix pay system. And it also offers to share its organizational expertise with public service entities such as the RCMP, Corrections Canada and the Canadian Armed Forces. “If Walt Disney can get into the consulting business, I don’t see why we shouldn’t,” says Roach. “It’s surely an offer they can’t refuse,” he adds.

Roach concludes our interview by stating that if the government cannnot be dissuaded from monopolizing the marijuana business, his client, through the good offices of Mr. Guaccamoli, will nevertheless insist on giving the prime minister “a big wet kiss.”

dsimmonds@wellingtontimes.ca