Columnists
A lyrical holiday
“He’s making a list. Chicken and Rice. Gonna find out who’s hiding his mice.” Or so I’ve heard it sung in my living room, many years ago by one of our offspring. Our children’s versions of holiday songs (well, any song for that matter, when they were young) made LOML and I wonder if they had hearing issues. Of course, they didn’t have hearing deficits. They did have listening challenges. “Rudolf the Red-nosed Manger” was a favourite holiday song. When we asked what a “red-nosed manger” looked like we were assured it was a place in Befflea-hem and Jew-ery, where Blessed Dave was bored. It was apparent the kids had listened to some of the story, but were unfamiliar with place names in the Middle East, perhaps. We were never sure about Blessed Dave. Being a parent isn’t an easy thing to do. Laughing at your children is a very easy thing to do. However, on page 49 of the Canadian Baby and Child book, it is clearly stated, “Parents should laugh with their children, not at them.” Goodness knows, we tried to keep straight faces while our children hacked and chewed their way through a holiday song book.
Yep, LOML and I spent a lot of festive holidays trying to keep the smirks and guffaws under control when the youngsters made mincemeat (see recipe published earlier this season) of all we held close to our “tarts”. A glass of special Egg Nog helped. Or should I say, “Ed Knob”. We figured Ed Knob was a close relative of Blessed Dave. It was a special kind of treat to hear our daughter sing, “Joy to the World, the Lord has Gum”. Occasionally, the Lord had a “bum”, but mostly he had a stash of gum. We assumed he kept the gum in The Red- Nosed Manger but we never asked her for clarification. As our youngest child grew older, we learned “Barney” was the King of Israel. Kids, eh? Don’t get me wrong, adults are also guilty of re-writing lyrics, but it’s not as cute when your uncle chirps, “Oh tiny bomb, Oh tiny bomb”. It could have been PTSD or Pre-Tannenbaum Song Disorder or Great Uncle Neil just being a silly arse with the help of a bit of Pirate Oil and Ed Knob (as our youngest referred to Captain Morgan’s Rum and egg nog). As the holiday season ramps up, I think it’s good to have some fun with whatever life throws at us. Singing helps. Alternate song lyrics, certainly, lighten the moodiness we’re all feeling these days. My Pastor friend, Kevin, asked folks to change one word in a popular Christmas song title to reflect their pandemic stress. He was handsomely rewarded by his Facebook followers. Folks just wanna have fun, or gum, or bums, or buns, or bombs.
As the COVID-19 numbers creep up, it’s getting more difficult to believe we’ll be able to celebrate this holiday season with anyone other than the people who are living within our household. At this point, I think the idea of maintaining a bubble of 10 contacts has long ago burst, or is about to float away. It certainly won’t be easy-peasy for all y’all who are living alone and may have had designs on joining their family, or friends, at the table and around the “Crispy Tree”. For some reason many of us think because we aren’t directly affected by this virus, it’s okay to let our guard down. FYI, don’t let your guard down. But now we’ve seen cases very close to home. COVID-19 is not just a “city thing” anymore. People living right here in Prince Edward County have tested positive. And while a positive test doesn’t mean “outbreak”, it’s still pretty close to home. I, personally, am now finding it very difficult to go to the grocery store and not wonder who’s been where and with whom. Every time someone sniffles, sneezes, wipes their brow or coughs, I recoil, duck and run for cover.
Looks like the festive Holiday of 2020 will be a lot like an Elvis favourite, “I’ll have a booze Christmas without you” and a whole lot of “I’ll be home, alone, for Christmas”. Anything else will be “only in my dreams”.
Next week, “The Tree that Hated my House” a.k.a. “The Holiday Tree from Hell”.
Comments (0)