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A tall order
So Canada has fallen short again in its bid to top the world tallness rankings.
In fact, Canadians hit their peak a hundred years ago, at fifth (for men) and sixth (for women). Now, according to a massive study conducted by the World Health Organization, Canadians rank 27th (men) and 40th (women). The winners are the Dutch (men) and Latvians (women). Those two countries really cleaned up in the combined scores, as Dutch women came second and Latvian men came fifth.
Height, although it has some negative indications, such as an increased incidence of prostate cancer, is thought to be a good measure of general public health. Tall people tend to be associated with advanced education, greater earning power and longevity. So it’s time for Canada to pull up its socks, although we at least outgrew the United States, which came in 37th (men) and 42nd (women). We shouldn’t despair, for out of lemons you can make lemonade, as the motivational speakers are fond of saying.
It’s not all genetics: diet and exercise play a role. In that vein, someone has boldly posted a list of eight foods that will increase your height, and I am happy to share them with you. Among them are eggs (three a day, please); milk (two glasses a day); yogurt (a good source of calcium and vitamin D, which “makes your skin glow”); turnips (which boost growth hormones); rhubarb (it also stimulates the secretion of growth hormones); peanuts, beans and peas (ditto); spinach (all kinds of benefits); and, last but not least, oatmeal (an “amazing source of protein” that “does magic to your height when consumed daily”).
And exercises especially recommended to “increase height and grow taller” are posted as well. (It’s amazing, isn’t it, to think that not only will these exercises increase your height, they will also make you grow taller.) They include jumping (“your spine and calf muscles stretch when you forcefully lift your feet from the ground”); touching your toes (increases flexibiity); pelvic stretching (stretches the spine and strengthens the torso); cobra stretching (aka face down hip lifting, “pretty well known for its potential in increasing one’s height…[but] can cause a burning sensation in your lower neck due to the pressure”); and monkey bar hanging (“will give you an amazing result if done regularly, preferably thrice in a week…you may bend your knees if the bar is too low”).
So let’s get to the lemonade part. There’s obviously a market waiting to be exploited by some enterprising souls. Who will be first to come up with a lavishly illustrated book revealing the secrets of the Dutch/Latvian lifestyle, making the French lifestyle yesterday’s news? And who will be first to the market with a book about the Growth Diet? The paleo diet will be passé faster than you can say “Australopithecine.”
There’s clearly an economic opportunity for the County here. The County could market itself as being tall-friendly. What better service to add to the diversity of Wellington Main Street than a spinach and rhubarb bar? Or a gymnasium that features jumping spaces and monkey bars high enough that one needn’t bend one’s knees?
Indeed, the County could go all in with tallness and set itself a target—let’s say, having the tallest population in Canada within one generation. If we become tall, chances are, we live longer and make more money, so meeting the goal would generate an economic payback. Plus, once the County became known for being the first place in Canada to have a tall orientation, it could then market its peanuts, beans, peas—and oatmeal—as being somehow superior to similar products from other jurisdictions. A line of clothing could be developed that featured T-shirt riffs on the theme of a taller population (“More than a growth spurt, it’s the County way of life;” “Raise the roof or lower the floor: I’m from the County.”) The County might develop a mascot (Mr. Stringbean?) who could appear at fall fairs from sea to sea promoting the County, thereby generating spinoff merchandise sales.
And a County target could create impetus for a national target. While it’s a tall order to suggest that we Canadians are likely to knock the Dutch or the Latvians off their perches, we could aim to move, say, into the top 20 (for men) and the top 30 (for women). What is so special about the Dutch anyway? It can’t be that effervescent “joie de vivre” for which they are renowned. And the Latvians are known for their laconic “je ne sais pas” attitude. Neither should be an obstacle for good old Canadian pluck and grit—provided we start digging into that yummy turnip while we touch our toes.
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