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Where did all the pronouns go? I know you might be thinking, “Don’t go there, Theresa”. But I’m not talking about the pronouns we use to describe ourselves, I’ll get to that. I’m talking about the pronouns that have disappeared from our commentary/conversation. Sometimes it sounds as if we just don’t have the time to use “all of the words”.
For example, “I love cupcakes.” It’s a fairly simple statement. Just about anyone could understand who it is that is speaking and who has a love of cupcakes. Mostly, we seem to have stopped communicating with pronouns. We’re more than likely to say, “Love cupcakes.” And this is where a simple mind, like mine, wonders if the words “Love cupcakes” is a command, the implication being “Hey you, over there! Love those cupcakes, or else.” Maybe I’m supposed to understand who the lover of cupcakes is. I suppose if it were a command, the speaker/writer would include an exclamation point. The problem is, like with pronouns, we seem to have abandoned the use of punctuation marks in written communication and, as far as speaking goes, lots of us have adopted a flat voice. Often we speak without nuance. Perhaps we want to appear indifferent. Whatever it is, it’s not easy for an old gal like moi. Am I supposed to “love cupcakes”, no matter what? Or, am I supposed to deduce who the lover of cupcakes is, but without hints. Pronouns are hints.
Around the same time I noticed the mysterious disappearance of pronouns in most types of conversation, but especially social media, I became aware of people offering their personal “hints”/pronouns during an introduction. Honestly, I’m not an early adopter. I had to have a great big think and give myself a bit of time to understand the importance of personal pronouns. And then, before I got my mind wrapped around my own pronouns (or anyone’s pronouns) someone asked me for my pronouns. It was a person who has known me for forty-plus years. We have a friendly, working relationship. I figured she’d know my pronouns, but that’s where I was wrong. Why would anyone know my pronouns if I hadn’t told them? I have said it many times, “for those of you who think you know me but don’t.” In a new awakening of minds I had an opportunity to let people know a bit more about me. So, I gave her my pronouns. It felt a bit weird telling an old friend and business colleague how I identify. Between the two of us our identity had always been an assumption. We shared a bit of nervous laughter because, as it turns out she isn’t an early adopter, either.
Pronouns, eh? In social media communication we lose them. In the world of doing business we gain them. If we’re in an introductory stage with others, we offer the hints. As it turns out, some people choose to share their pronouns. And then some people choose not to do so. When I taught Business and Office Procedures, one whole week was focused on forms of introduction. I remember looking at the lesson and wondering why there was a masculine and a feminine form for titles, and such. As I stressed the difference between being a Count and being a Countess or a Mister and a Mistress I noticed most of the other forms of address were about being a male. Obviously females couldn’t be the Chair of a group back in the good old days.
I managed to talk myself through the process of pronouns—as hints—when I thought about those days. A person shouldn’t have to physically demonstrate their identity with a clothing choice or a hairstyle or mannerisms. Gender identity shouldn’t be about appearance. The problem, of course, is my internal struggle to make an assumption based on appearance— but I’m getting better. I practise. I try to use gender-neutral pronouns and language. It has rocked my world a bit to remember to be respectful of another person’s identity.
Y’all know I’m trying, right?
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