Columnists
Blame it on the breakfast
One of the icons of the late two thousand and teen years is undoubtedly Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House Press Secretary. Known best for her stone-faced denials of various Trump misstatements and misdeeds, she has recently evoked a little public sympathy following some crude jokes and a restaurant eviction.
Ms. Sanders really outdid herself a few days ago with a ringing defence of President Trump at the expense of his chief of staff, John Kelly.
During a breakfast meeting at the NATO summit held in Brussels, Mr. Kelly was photographed looking decidedly askance as his boss held court, as if he were trying to pretend he wasn’t in the room experiencing the magic of Mr. Trump’s words. (The president was in the middle of explaining to all gathered at his feet how Germany was “controlled by Russia”).
When challenged on Mr. Kelly’s apparently sour disposition, Ms. Sanders said in a statement to the Washington Post that while Mr. Kelly might have looked “displeased,” this had nothing to do with the excellence of Mr. Trump’s remarks, with which he fully agreed. Rather, Mr. Kelly was upset “because he was expecting a full breakfast and there were only pastries and cheese.” This is not the first time that Mr. Kelly has been caught beside the president with a “displeased” expression on his face, but it’s the first time that the ‘blame it on the breakfast’ explanation has been tried.
Now while Mr. Kelly (a former military general) may be proud to be known as a bacon and egg man of long standing, I think he would be within his rights to take issue with Ms. Sanders. Her explanation suggests that Mr. Kelly turns publicly petulant when he doesn’t get the meal he wants, and doesn’t have the intestinal fortitude to suck it up and make up for the thin continental breakfast later by having an extra sandwich at lunch or a big steak for supper. Essentially, it calls into doubt his ability to disguise his emotions in the interests of his country, and also implies that he would be an easy mark in a poker tournament.
Ms. Sanders also manages to insult Belgians over their pastries and cheese. I have been to Belgium. I have eaten Belgian pastries and cheese. They are of the highest quality. I can’t imagine that Mr. Trump and Mr. Kelly were somehow served day-old goods because they were cheaper than fresh. And if the food was indeed fresh, then if Mr. Kelly was so darned hungry, why didn’t he simply help himself to another pastry or more cheese? I very much doubt that, had he reached for more, the head of NATO would have interrupted him in mid-manoeuvre, saying “excuse me Mr. Kelly, but there’s only one croissant each: we’re saving the leftovers for the staff.” And by implying that nobody should get stuck with just pastries and cheese for breakfast, she is insulting every regular consumer of a continental breakfast, which includes, funnily enough, just about everyone on the continent.
Perhaps Ms. Sanders has uncovered a diplomatic stealth technique being used against Mr. Trump by his NATO ‘allies.’ Maybe American foreign delegations are being denied sausage and pancake breakfasts as a hardball negotiating tactic. Perhaps there will have to be a mandatory ‘eat American’ program required of diplomats before they adventure to such out of the way climes as Belgium and England. Maybe the US should send out a travel advisory urging its citizens to eat a series of American-style breakfasts before heading off to France or Italy to see the Louvre or the Coliseum.
Even though the substance of Ms. Sanders’ statement doesn’t withstand logical scrutiny, I nevertheless give her credit for opening up a whole new range of excuses for a displeased countenance. That could work as a positive force. For example, perhaps the premiers of British Columbia and Alberta will back down from their standoff and save face by announcing that they were suffering from food poisoning—caused by federal catering—when hostilities were at their peak.
If some good can come of this, then thank you, Ms. Sanders—and Mr. Kelly, whose stomach I imagine I hear rumbling; and whose dignity I hear disintegrating as he takes another one for the Trump team.
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