Boundaries

This Friday will mark 70 years since the Allies’ victory over Japan and the end of the US involvement in WWII. On that day, as parades broke out on American streets, as they had months before in Canada, a photojournalist named Alfred Eisenstaedt captured the moment that would become most symbolic of that joy: the Kissing Sailor.

Only decades later did it come to light that the woman in that photograph had been a stranger who, against her own will, was grabbed and kissed. And although our laws define that as sexual assault, the response to the suggestion that this photograph was depicting anything other than a joyful moment in history was often met with anger.

Last week, during a music festival in Vancouver, a joyful teenager approached a journalist mid-broadcast and kissed her on the cheek. She recoiled, startled. In the broadcast, she laughed it off, saying people were having a great time. It was not as bold as the sailor’s kiss, but an echo of it. She reported the incident to the RCMP.

What followed was a drawn-out debate: did she do the right thing or overreact? It was all in good fun, people argued. She was being prudish. On the internet, that can get intense, especially when those with particularly unfriendly views are emboldened by their anonymity.

When he realized what had happened, the 17- year-old boy who caused the stir in the first place came forward to apologize. He certainly hadn’t meant her any harm, especially not of the internet shaming variety.

Whether or not he understood it, what Daniel Davies did to Megan Batchelor was sexual assault. Any unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature is. That’s the law. It’s not up to the public to determine when that contact crosses the line: that’s why we have a legal system.

We live in a world full of people struggling to set boundaries. It’s not surprising this sprightly young man didn’t realize what he did was wrong, nor the backlash it would cause. Those boundaries are unclear. We preach consent, but don’t explain how that works. We set physical limitations, but shame those who enforce them on their own bodies.

I imagine most women have let it slide when someone gets too handsy or says something too intrusive— shrugging it off with a nervous laugh. Batchelor did, at first. But it was when she decided she needed to set those boundaries that society frowned upon her.

With the Kissing Sailor still a glorified image, with an unapologetic rape culture including charmers like Daryush Valizadeh and the chants of fraternity boys across the continent, with women receiving menacing personal threats when they stand against this behaviour, how can we expect anything else?

Last year, some parents in Ontario protested an updated sexual education curriculum that includes learning about consent. That should not be a difficult concept. Getting consent makes the difference between being sexy and being a creep. It also makes the difference between respecting boundaries and breaking the law.

mihal@mihalzada.com