Columnists
Choosing to cheer
Every four years, from mid-June to mid-July, I down tools and immerse myself in the FIFA World Cup of Soccer. It’s just as well the fire alarm hasn’t gone off recently, because I would probably be oblivious to it.
The pre-tournament playdowns reduced the field of contenders to 32, excluding along the way such perennials as Italy and the Netherlands. In the group stage, which ends tomorrow, eight groups of four teams play one another. The two teams in each group with the best record advance to the 16-team knockout stage, which begins Saturday. We will then see the number of teams halved successively in winner-take-all matches until one team emerges the overall winner on July 15.
I admit it’s fundamentally irrational to be interested in a tournament in which young millionaires simply put on a different shirt and play with or against the same people they played with or against during the club soccer season. And it’s hard, in this Trump era, to work up a fervour of nationalism when nationalism has become a synonym for mean-spirited selfishness. I rationalize it by saying Canada did not qualify, and therefore who I cheer for can’t possibly be based on nationalistic sentiment.
But I do like to cheer for somebody, even though studies have shown that cheering from in front of the TV has no influence on the outcome of games. The question is not whether I cheer, but on what basis I choose to cheer.
I should logically be cheering for England, because I was born there. But the English team perennially disappoints. It’s a running joke—you leave the room with five minutes to go and England comfortably ahead by two goals, and you return to discover the Germans are about to win on penalty kicks. England has already advanced to the knockout round, which is probably a bad thing: better to get the losing out of the way now rather than postpone the inevitable. This time, the fate of being sacrificial victim to the Germans has fallen to the Swedes, who gave away a last-second free kick that the Germans put in the top corner of the net to win by a single goal. That will teach them for inflicting IKEA on the world.
Who do I go with after England? Not Germany, who are responsible for so much English grief. Not Russia, because of Putin. Not Portugal, because superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is such a pouting show-off. Not Argentina— even though they were the runners-up last time and Lionel Messi hasn’t yet won the Cup—because they’d sooner resent one another than play creative soccer. Not France, because it’s more fun to watch them recriminate than it is to watch them celebrate. Not Spain, because they’ve had their turn at the limelight and just fired their coach a couple of weeks ago, poor fellow.
And definitely not Brazil, which has the world’s highest paid player, Neymar. Neymar spent most of the last year trying to get himself traded from Barcelona to Paris St. Germain, and most of this year trying to get himself traded back out of France to Real Madrid, the arch-rivals of Barcelona. I reluctantly add Croatia to my ‘not’ list, because their star player, Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid), has been charged with perjury in a case involving his player transfer fees. And not Serbia, because of, well, recent history.
So that still leaves me plenty of choices. Switzerland produces great chocolate and has two players whose names have an “X” in them (Xherdan Shaqiri and Granit Xhaka); both scored stunner goals in the knockout round. Denmark (the home of Hans Christian Andersen) and Belgium (Hercule Poirot territory) are decent little European countries with strong teams. I would love to have included Iceland, but they haven’t made it out of the group stage.
I can broaden my horizons and choose based on geography. If I want Central or South America, I can choose Mexico or Uruguay. If I want Australasia, there’s the never-give-up team from Australia, hanging on by its fingernails at press time. If I want Asia, I can go with Japan. If I want the Middle East, there’s Iran. If I want Africa, I can go for Nigeria or Senegal.
I’ll keep my cheering options open for a couple more days until the final 16 teams are determined. That will give me a chance to find some new criteria—such as most acreage in tattoos, most spiffily attired fans, or most outrageously feigned injury. Right now, I’m leaning towards Mexico: Mexicans have been on the receiving end of some nasty presidential invective, just as Canadians have. Perhaps if they become “winners,” all the harsh words will be forgotten and forgiven, and the team will get an invitation to the White House—if they promise to attend.
I imagine a psychologist could develop a personality profile for me based on my need to have a team to cheer for and my selection criteria. I just hope that she keeps her findings to herself.
Comments (0)