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Connected and disconnected
First of all, most types of dementia are not hereditary. While having a family member with dementia, particularly a first-degree relative like a parent or sibling, does increase your risk of developing the condition, it doesn’t guarantee you will get it. So, if Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa had some form of dementia, it was likely their lifestyle being a major contributing factor to their development of a neuro-cognitive disorder. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying anyone deserves to develop any form of neurological disorder. What I do want to impress upon you is we now know so much more about the cause of dementia than our parents’ and their parents’ generations did. For people who grew up in the early to mid 1900s, like my grandparents and my parents did, chances are they didn’t understand that high blood sugar, high blood pressure, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, lack of exercise, a traumatic head injury, depression and poor diet are the major contributing factors to the onset of cognitive decline.
In spite of those odds, my grandparents did not suffer from dementia. However, both of my parents did. My mom suffered a traumatic head injury in her sixties and another in her seventies, and when you couple that with unchecked/untreated high cholesterol and high blood pressure, Mom was a prime candidate for developing dementia. My father’s noticeable mental decline came after my mother’s death. Dad had been a heavy smoker, a an enjoyer of beers and a lover of foods fried in bacon grease. Dad had two strokes and eventually had bypass surgery. While both of my parents were “relatively” healthy and active people, they were raised during the Depression. Like a lot of people who lived during the late ’20s, and throughout the 1930s, they did without a lot of things. Food was always available but likely probably pretty simple and straightforward. And from what they told us, fresh fruit and vegetables were a treat. When they were young adults during the 1950s and 60s they were able to afford to eat a better diet, but like a lot of people their age—and of that era—they were all about the allure of processed, easy to prepare, foods. And like a lot of your parents and grandparents, my parents believed doctors were for people who were dying, and they certainly didn’t like to “waste” good money on prescriptions. If they did fill a prescription, they definitely didn’t take their medications on a regular basis. I know both of my parents had prescriptions for blood pressure and cholesterol medication. Most of their meds just took up space in the medicine cabinet. They believed they lived a healthy lifestyle and ate what they called “good food”. Both of my parents lived well into their eighties, but not without serious medical concerns.
Recently our family found out someone close to us has Alzheimer’s. A once dynamic, on-the-go, creative and outgoing person, she is now living in her past. Her short-term memory is sketchy. Each phone call starts with “Who told you where I am?” The conversation then moves on to “Why would I be here? I don’t think I can leave. I think I should be able to leave if I want to. When are you coming to get me?” After the initial concerns are addressed I let her lead the conversation. I don’t argue with her about her recollections. But I tell you it isn’t easy knowing the creative, mouthy, kind, wacky, annoying, adventurous person isn’t here anymore. Dementia has taken her away and given our family a person who sounds like someone we once knew, but she’s not the person we remember. When we thought we could relax and enjoy being retired, here we are. In one way or another, each of us is a caregiver and carer to someone who doesn’t know she is in a care setting or in need of care.
Is there a bright side? Yeah, there is. Today we know more about the causes, and possible prevention, of dementia. We can make sure we share that information with our family and friends. We can have conversations about lifestyle choices and practise what we preach. We can become more connected to those who need us most.
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