Divided loyalties

Ya, I’ve got a credit card. I don’t use it very often. No, really. I don’t use it very often. The last time I used it was to renew my business registration. I’ve used it for plane fare and booking hotels and I use it when there isn’t another method of payment available. As far as carrying plastic is concerned, I like to keep it to a minimum. I carry an Ontario health card, my Ontario driver’s licence, my hospital cards, a credit card and a bank debit card. That’s about it.

If I’m out and about doing a bit of shopping and I pull a muscle carrying my purchases to the car, my health card and hospital card should get me the help I need. It’s just the way I think. Of course, it’s not what retailers think. Almost every retailer has “bought” into the concept of customer loyalty programs.

Loyalty programs. For a person like me, who doesn’t really like to shop, dealing with retailers who offer loyalty programs just makes the whole process seriously annoying and a great big drag. It’s difficult enough for me to actually go out and shop, but having to deal with the guilt inflicted on folks who don’t carry a loyalty card raises my angst to the platinum level. Loyalty programs mean I can’t just pick out the goods I’m after, head to a cashier, pay for my purchase and get the H E double points out of the store and back to my life.

Don’t get me wrong, as regards to loyalty, I do like those little coffee cards, especially if I don’t have to carry the card with me. And after buying 10 or 15 coffees I get a free coffee. That’s a loyalty program I can live with.

My problem is I simply don’t like getting to the cash register and having to listen to the spiel about how my life will be altered, for the better, if I would just fill out the form sharing my personal and purchasing information with the world, so I can collect points if I buy more stuff. I know, I know, it’s how manufacturers and retailers get to know their market, or so they say. I’m not convinced I’m going to come out ahead of any purchasing game if the retailer knows how many rolls of toilet paper I use in a year or if I prefer Preference over L’Oreal in my quest to be a true redhead. Seriously, how many thousands of dollars worth of toothpaste, deodorant and bumpf would I have to purchase to break even at the register? How many books would I have to buy to actually pay for my “next book” after I’ve paid $25 for a Chapter’s irewards card? The local bookseller keeps track of my purchases without a plastic loyalty card and a three page in-depth voyage into my personal life.

So, what exactly sent me on this tear about plastic loyalty cards? Well, this past weekend I was in Toronto. I had a bit of shopping to do and was just a brisk walk away from the Eaton Centre. My first stop was in Shoppers Drug Mart. I was tense before I got the the checkout with my “replacement” toothpaste (we always leave something behind, right). I figured a purchase of less than $10 would let me off the “loyalty guilt hook.” Nope. No way.

I had to endure the stare, the question and, because it wasn’t really busy, the pitch. A one dollar purchase is worth 10 points. Eight thousand points gets a shopper a $10 discount. Who knows, I might get an Optimum card to use at the Picton Shoppers Drug Mart. It’s on Main Street, right?

I figured my next stop wouldn’t cause me any stress. The Body Shop. “Do you have your Body Club Card with you? You don’t have one. Well, did you know you will get 10 per cent off all qualifying purchases at any Body Shop in Canada?” As the cashier pulled a Body Club Card application form from under the counter, I recoiled in horror. “You’ll receive a special birthday gift during the month of your birthday with a retail value of up to $10.” I ask if there’s anything in any Body Shop, anywhere in Canada, that sells anything for under $10. This doesn’t stop the cashier because she wanted me to know, as a Body Club Card holder, I’d receive regular email and direct mail offers and with every fourth and eighth purchase I’d earn extra rewards. And then mentioned that after my eight points I’d be eligible to receive a free membership renewal.

She wore me out. She wanted me to purchase a card to get stuff, so I put the peppermint foot lotion back on the shelf and told the gapmouthed gal I’d be back in a couple of hours to buy the lotion, but only if she promised not to mention the Body Shop Club.

Seriously, Sears wasn’t any better. They don’t have loyalty cards, but if I’d had a Sears Card and I wanted to buy twice as much, I could have put my purchase on the card and I would have received an extra discount. Geez. The Sears cashier used the word “save” and the word “savings” at least a dozen times while I waited to pay for my undies. I’ve never really understood the spending to save thing. Didn’t anyone explain the “having your cake and eating it thing” to retailers?

So, the trip to the big smoke wasn’t about shopping, it was about working and brainstorming and visiting “the brothers.” But I did shop. Did I mention how much I dislike shopping? The surprise was I was asked at eight of the 14 retailers in the Eaton Centre if I had a loyalty card and then had to listen to the blather about the benefits of “belonging.”

My oh my. I want to say to those retailers: “Just give me better prices. Don’t ask me to spill the beans on my private life. And, don’t expect me to continue to shopping at your establishment if the Info-inquisition is being staged at the checkout.”

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca