Hello, hello?

February 27, 2014 – Dear Bell Salesperson: “Thank you so much for your call while we were eating lunch. It isn’t often we get a call from a service provider offering us a deal on a more upto- date type of internet service. Who wouldn’t want faster online service? Who wouldn’t want to be on the cutting edge? Of course, you can sign us up for a brand new modem. What? We’ll be getting that modem on or near March 8th. Can’t wait to get that modem. What’s that? Not only will we get a brand new modem, but a technician will drop by to ‘hook us up’.”

This is the life. We didn’t ask for a new modem. We didn’t even ask for faster service. But there you are, Ma Bell, right there ahead of our needs, anticipating our need for speed.

“We’re sorry, we didn’t catch your name. You were so soft-spoken and fast talking. Anyway, we caught your drift. On or near March the 8th, a brand new modem will arrive and a technician will follow shortly thereafter, to install same. Right back atcha.”

February 28, 2014 – “Bell service, how are you today?”

“We’re fine, thank you so much for asking. Our internet service seems to have disappeared. Yes, we did try the old ‘disconnect, reconnect’. That didn’t seem to do the trick. What? Have we moved our modem or disconnected it recently? Well, not exactly. That is to say, we didn’t move it, but we did do the standard ‘disconnect, reconnect’. You think that could be the problem?

“We doubt it, but go ahead and tell us which lights to look for on our modem. What’s that? Our modem is a whitish/beige colour. That’s right, we disconnected and reconnected, and no, that apparently didn’t do the trick. Yes, you sent us a brand new modem about two years ago. Perhaps you should look at your records to see the date of that particular transaction. Check the modem lights? Of course, we can do that. There is a greenish ‘internet’ light flashing, and the ‘DSL’ light is flashing. The wireless and ethernet lights are lit and flashing, occasionally. Of course the power light is lit. Funny you should leave that question to the end. Nope, haven’t had a power outage today. Yes, everything seems to be plugged in, and the computer has got power. Silly us for thinking you’d think we didn’t turn the computer on to check the internet. Nope, we didn’t say anything, but let us go out on a limb and ask if our current problem could be related to the telephone call we had yesterday from your salespeople about a new modem and newer, faster service. What? It’s a possibility and if it is you won’t be able to fix the problem if it’s related to that sales call. Of course we don’t mind holding while you switch us to the Sales Department. Have a nice day, yourself.

“Bell Canada Sales Department. Your call is important to us. If you’d wish to have service in English, please press one. If your call is about upgrades to your current service, please press one. If your call is about your billing, please press two. If your call is about billing, service in English and upgrades to your current service, please press three. Your call is important to us. All of our billing, service in English and upgrades to your current service personnel are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“How may I help you? Of course, I understand. My name is Brian.”

So, you spoke with a salesperson who told you your new black modem will be delivered on or near the 8th of March? What colour is the modem you are using now? Really, we don’t think that’s really a colour. Are your lights lit? Are your flashers flashing? Is your computer turned on? Is your computer plugged in. Did I say something amusing? So, you spoke with a salesperson who told you your new black modem will be delivered on or near the 8th of March? Of course, you’ve answered that question. We don’t think the sales department can help you with your problem, but we do think the sales call regarding your modem could be related to your problem. We believe the installation of your new modem might solve your connectivity problem. Yes, on or near March 8th. We understand you might believe that isn’t acceptable, but it looks like your current internet service was disconnected shortly after you agreed to a new black, faster, modem to be delivered on or near March 8th. Of course, you’d like to speak to my supervisor. Let us just verify your name, phone number, mother’s maiden name and place of her birth and we’ll have someone call you within the next 48 hours. You want to stay on the line until the supervisor is available. You could do that. Enjoy the pretty music.”

“Bell Canada. James speaking. How may I help you? Well, you could start by telling me what prompted you to call us today. No, I don’t have any idea why you’ve called. A new modem. On or near March 8th? Wireless service has been cut? Of course, it would be cut, your whitish/beige modem won’t work with the new service being provided on or near March 8th. Our sales department should have told you the service would be disconnected prior to…..what’s that? It’s unacceptable? I’ll admit it could be inconvenient. Yes, I agree it’s unacceptable to wait 10 days for service on or near the 8th of March. How about this, we’ll make this a priority reconnect, and call you back within 24 to 48 hours. Of course we’ll call back. Your call is important to us. Thank you for choosing Bell.”

Sent from The County Club & Spa.

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca