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Her Majesty’s Memoirs
Talk about life being unfair. Just as she was beginning to celebrate her Platinum Jubilee—70 years on the throne—Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has tested positive for Covid. She may have been exposed to it by her son Prince Charles, who has endured two bouts with the virus, but she could have just as easily got it from her daughter-in-law Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, her grandson Prince William, or one of any number of royal household staff.
When you think about it, sticking at any job for 70 years is an amazing accomplishment— as is just being around for 95 years. And this isn’t just any job; she has the difficult job of being Queen, she being the only member of that profession. That requires a public presence that is flawless. Should she be at a formal steak dinner and inadvertently spill ketchup on her dress, it would be a disaster. The press would be all over her. How could she let this shameful event happen? Was her royal dignity compromised? What were they thinking by putting ketchup bottles on the table?
The job requires that she always be “on”. There is no curling up in bed and telling your lady-in-waiting that you don’t feel like meeting anyone today. For 70 years, duty has called, and must take precedence. There are people who must be greeted and speeches that must be given.
But the speeches that must be given can’t venture into the controversial. They must stick to the bland, which means one speech is pretty much the same as the next. The cost of being a wealthy woman in the hereditary position of being top of the organization charts is that you lose any sort of meaningful free agency
On top of that you are answerable for the missteps of your family—all of which are eagerly reported in the press. At the moment, there’s Prince Andrew settling a lawsuit brought by a person he claims never to have met; Prince Harry suing the British government because he doesn’t feel his children are safe enough with state supplied security; and Prince Charles the subject of accusations that he participated in a “cash for honours” scheme.
Commentators predict that the Queen will pay some large part of Prince Andrew’s hefty legal costs. So here’s an idea. Why doesn’t the Queen turn her Covid downtime into productive time and write her memoirs? She would have some fascinating tales to tell. She has met 14 successive British prime ministers from Winston Churchill to Boris Johnson; twelve successive Canadian prime ministers from Louis St. Laurent to Justin Trudeau; and 13 out of the 14 US presidents since Harry Truman. (The exception is Lyndon Johnson, who forwent a state dinner at Buckingham Palace and instead hosted a dinner at the White House to honour the late Princess Margaret.)
All it would take is one anecdote per leader and you’d have 39 anecdotes—more than enough material for a book. The title? How about Mismatch: A Monarch Takes On 39 Politicians. Come to think of it, she could probably dash off a second book about the dictators, thugs and persons of interest she has met over the last 70 years, and then a third book about the domestic travails of the Wacky Windsors. There is no shortage of material to work with.
There are several publishing options. She could write it herself, hire a ghostwriter, or take an “as told to” approach. If she was worried about the niceties of a tell-all book being published while she was still Queen, she could be an anonymous author, or the book could be a published posthumously.
I am sure such a book would sell millions of copies around the world, without Her Majesty having to do an arduous book tour. And I’m equally sure that among the 39 former prime ministers and presidents there is at least one won’t want the book to see the light of day. So another option is to threaten to publish the book and then accept payment from a party who wishes to keep the record clean in exchange for keeping the book private.
Either way, she can’t lose.
I hope Her Majesty recovers quickly and gets back to being the best goldarn Queen we’ve had for 70 years. But I also hope somebody is keeping a memoir of her amazing experiences.
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