Columnists
HO HO Help
Our children, and their children, live between one half hour and three hours away from us. Our First World problem is, as parents, we would love to have them even closer, but some days they are close enough. In this community we see how lovely it is to have family very near. Many of our friends and neighbours are within walking, cycling or shortdrive distance away from their kids. It works out well for both sides of the family. Help, get-togethers and fun are just a few moments away. This is why we love the County. Even though our children are not next door, or down the road, some of them are fairly close by. They can drop by for lunch, coffee or a weekend whenever it’s convenient.
Imagine if one of your children needed assistance. I’m not just talking about lending a hand painting the kitchen or maybe an educational aide in the classroom or with a mobility assistance. Imagine one of your children needed around-the-clock care for their everyday needs. It happens. Maybe it’s something with which you or someone in your family is familiar. Imagine your family member needs to be in a healthcare setting that isn’t something you can offer in your home. Keep that picture in your head. Now think about Bob and Suzanne and their daughter Aliah (surname has been withheld to protect the family). Aliah is profoundly autistic and has developmental issues. The family lives in Sudbury. The parents, Bob and Suzanne, have been mentally, emotionally, physically and financially stretched to their limit. They, alone, cannot provide all of the care needed for their child. Bob and Suzanne needed support. Suzanne had to quit her job to be the at-home, around-the-clock caregiver for Aliah. It wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t enough that Bob and Suzanne were drained, completely. When they felt they were at the end of their rope they looked for respite care and extended resources in their community, but came up empty-handed. Sudbury, like a lot of communities, simply doesn’t have a place for their daughter. Bob and Suzanne’s last resort was to relinquish the care of the daughter to the Province. They had to give up their daughter and put her in the hands of the Province of Ontario to provide the intensive care she needs. Can you, as parents or caregivers of a loved one, imagine doing such a thing? It’s one thing to ask for help. It’s another to realize giving up your rights as a parent or caregiver is the only way to get the help needed.
Bob, Suzanne and Aliah are real people. For the love of their child they relinquished their parental rights to the Province of Ontario so Aliah could receive the care and attention she needs, but they could no longer afford to provide. Aliah was moved to an intensive care facility in the City of Mississauga. In good weather the drive to hug and love their daughter would take Bob and Suzanne five hours. Because of the lack of services available to Aliah in her hometown, she has been moved away from the embrace of her family. While the parents, Bob and Suzanne, have agreed to this move it is, basically, a form of abandonment in which they are complicit. Their hands were tied by a healthcare system that is inadequate. To say this is what is, what is right for the child, may be correct, but it is heartbreaking. What is right for Aliah, and for other families in the Province, who have been forced to do the same or similar, is to be close to their families. To put a bit of heart-squeeze on the situation, children need to be in the loving embrace of their family. Aliah’s parents do get regular updates from the facility on the health and welfare of their child, but they cannot afford to visit on a regular basis. They cannot squeeze travel and accommodation costs out of their already stretched-to-the-limit budget. The pressure of trying to keep their family together along with the financial pressure to keep their home has taken its toll. All of this has been such a burden on Suzanne she suffered a mental health crisis and had to be hospitalized with severe caregiver burnout. In this time of wonder, generosity, hope and imagination, it is hard to imagine being so distraught and overwhelmed as a family and find themselves in this position. Yeah, yeah. They did what they were told was best for their daughter. But was it really?
Mental health issues show so many different faces. In December, Bob and Suzanne are planning to visit their daughter. In the Spring the temporary care agreement with CAS is scheduled to end. Aliah could be sent back to Sudbury. And then?
Comments (0)