Hot fuzz

Summer is nearly upon us. It’s the season of skin— bathing suits and short sleeves prevail as we attempt to avoid overheating. At the gym, folks try their best to Zumba and bench press their way to beach bodies. And women everywhere are confronted with a winter’s worth of hair to slough off so legs may be bared.

Unless you’re the type to reject Darwin’s theory of evolution, you can accept we are primates— descendants of much hairier versions of ourselves. A well-established theory in the scientific world is that when early humans ditched the knuckle-dragging and began to walk upright, our bodies needed to be cooler. So we swapped our fur in favour of sweat glands mixed with finer, sparser hairs. We’ve been a naked species for about a million years.

Of course, some parts of us remain densely hairy. The tops of our heads feature hairs that will continue to grow our entire lives. To varying degrees, our adult bodies grow coarse hairs from our toes to our ears.

There are many theories on the reason for our remaining hair. Some scientists suppose it has to do with an evolutionary advantage: hair protects the more sensitive parts of our bodies from exposure to environmental threats, and our sensitive hair follicles help us detect parasites and stop dangerous insects before they reach skin.

Others think it’s just sexual selection. Certain levels of hairiness were more or less attractive, and those with desirable hair patterns were more likely to pass along their genes.

Whatever the reason, for thousands of years, women have been removing nearly all of it. And we’ve developed a long list of sadistic ways to go about that.

The list includes sugaring—probably the first form of hair removal—in which body hair is coated in a thick, sticky layer of melted sugar, left to dry and then torn off, pulling away hairs from the roots. Its newer cousin, waxing, pulls away the top layer of skin as well, and is touted for preventing ingrown hairs.

Threading and tweezing pulls hairs from the roots without the sticky mess. Depilatory creams are chemicals that burn away hairs—and skin too, given enough time.

And then there’s the humble razor. Probably the most common form of body hair removal, razing is the least painful (if you avoid catching your skin) and the least effective. Men who suffer five o’clock shadows can empathize.

The effect is often the look of a freshly-plucked chicken. A look apparently attractive enough that societies worldwide strive for it, and have for millennia. But that might be changing.

Lately, male grooming product sales have been on the rise. KOKITO in Bloomfield has recently been touting a line of beard oil. Conversely, women’s depilatory products have been declining.

Here’s to women sick of looking like plucked chickens. Who knows? Perhaps the pattern of sexual selection might change along with a social trend.

So show off your fuzzy thighs and furry pits at the beach this summer. Bare your hair, if you dare.

mihal@mihalzada.com