How to talk to kids for dummies

As parents we can be just a bit dumb when it comes to talking to our kids. We never know if what we say to our children will scar them for life or give them the push in the right direction. When my kids were young, and living at home, I learned to listen to the question and tried to determine if it was really my kids’ question or if they were rehashing something they heard an adult say. Kid questions are rather like, “Why is the sky blue?” and “Why does Grandma have whiskers?” Sometimes they ask for material things: “Can I have a cell phone? Mandy’s got one.” or “I don’t like the Dora backpack anymore. Can I have a Columbia Sports one instead?” Sometimes the answer is really easy. “No you can’t have a cell phone, period, end of conversation, don’t ask again. And, besides, why does a nine year old need a cell phone? Do you think your Dad and I are made of money?” The same kind of logic could be applied to anything a kid once asked for, longed for, whined for and, in an instant, wanted it replaced.

As a parent, I found a simple “yes” or “no” was usually a good answer. If the question needs more than a one-word answer well, that’s when you’ve gotta be really careful and ask the kid for a moment to deliberate and come back with a “yes” or “no” answer because usually the kids have forgotten what they’d asked, anyway.

So, my point is—and of course I have one— how do we talk to our kids these days, if they happen to ask what the heck is going on at school these days? Well, chances are most elementary school kids don’t care about civil rights abuses and, with the exception of sports and team events, don’t really miss the extracurricular activities. But, if you’re a parent with a kid who did ask, “Hey, what happened to my extracurricular activities?” then I’d suggest you start with a sound explanation of what exactly “extracurricular” means. Don’t be afraid to tell kids that extracurricular means “outside of the normal or regular course of programs.” Emphasize “extra” and let them know it would be like getting two desserts at a restaurant and only paying for one dessert. Kids like desserts and they love it when parents use desserts as an example of excess. Then you can turn the table on the kid and ask, “So, teachers are paid to deliver a curriculum of basics— reading, writing and arithmetic. They aren’t paid to dish up the extra “desserts.” When they give students extra desserts, don’t be afraid to tell your kids that teachers do that on their own time and mathematically, at their own expense. Great parents can deliver an extracurricular lesson in economics, mathematics and food science. As parents, it is our responsibility to let our kids know how good it is when anyone does something a bit extraordinary.

Now, what about civil rights? Well, when I was a nine-year-old student, in the 1950s, there were a whole lot of civil rights abuses going on in the world. My grade four teacher was an American who was probably dodging the draft—way before it was ‘styling’ to do so. Our class was made up, mostly, of first generation Canadians and a whole lot of kids whose parents could no longer take the rights abuse in their homeland. There were few Czechoslovakians in my class. Those kids were in Canada to escape the rights abuses in their country. Our teacher explained what was what and it was hard for me to believe people were denied their rights. I understood most of what was said to me and what I didn’t understand, I read about in the newspaper or heard on the radio. My parents weren’t afraid to tell me to be informed.” Tell your kids that teachers have rights and their rights have been abused. Talking about the news at a meal is better than texting through the Spaghetti-ohs.

And, finally, don’t call your kid “a pawn” like it’s a bad thing. In the current struggle between teachers and the Province of Ontario, teachers, students and parents are the pawns and, pawns aren’t “on the board” for an early dismissal. Tell your kids “pawns can be kings.”

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca