Columnists
July
July is all about Le Tour de France for LOML and me. For three weeks, we eat our breakfast in front of the screen. Three weeks of doing exactly what we told our children not to do. Watch television and eat. We watch, occasionally offering a few “oohs” and “ahs” on the steepest of climbs or the fastest descents. Don’t get me wrong, we rarely spend a lot of time watching sports television. However, as far as Le Tour goes, we’ve made sure that particular station is included in our satellite package.
Oh yeah, we’ve been known to tune in if the Blue Jays had a chance to walk away with the pennant, but generally speaking, we don’t spend a lot of time watching television. Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, not much gets done at our house during the month of July.
July used to be the month that I did all of the household repairs and fixyfixies. July, 1976 was the month we took possession of our first two money pits and for the next 10 years of Julys we fixed stuff. July, 1986 was the month we took possession of this, our final money pit. For those of you who have had the pleasure of owning an old house, you know what I’m talking about when I say money pit.
Sometimes, LOML and I joke about what would happen if Mike Holmes came along to lend a hand. LOML always suggests we’d end up with a brand-new house with same footprint and perhaps the same door knobs. Everything else would be in a dumpster.
I’m a cheapskate. I have learned my lesson about looking too closely at any house we can’t afford to own. I’ve learned to love anaglypta wallpaper, which adds charm to all of the imperfections old lath and plaster walls have to offer. Anyone who has spent time working on old houses knows a bulging wall when they see one. But I digress.
Back to wasting my time in July, sitting in front of the television. It all began sometime around 2005. LOML and I decided to get fitter and bought bicycles from BBC. We spent a lot of our time cycling around the County and doing a few long-distance trips. It was around that time we discovered the televised Le Tour.
Oh my goodness! The only thing better than being on the bicycle was watching the biggest cycling race on the telly—well, not exactly, but almost as good. Watching Le Tour doesn’t help me fulfill any of the dreams I have in the spring about fixing things in and around the house. And it was this spring that I set about removing ancient layers of wallpaper and the dreaded popcorn ceiling in one of the spare rooms. I was sure I’d have it all done by July. For a brief moment, while scraping popcorn, I even thought I’d “go deep” and remove the old plaster and drywall the whole room. Maybe I’d even throw in a bit of insulation and vents. You know, start fresh, so to speak.
And then? Well, then LOML and I got a deal on airfare and went on the cross-Canada tour to visit the children, their children and their dogs. The spare room sat bare-arsed for a month. Stripped of the 1900s wallpaper. Shaved of the 1980s popcorn ceiling. Just bare plaster and a delicate layer of white dust. And there it was when we returned, unfinished. But the Tour de France was being broadcast. What was I going to do?
Well, I did what any self-respecting putteroffer would do. I closed the door to the spare room and devoted my July mornings to watching Le Tour. Oddly enough, by the time the race is done for the day, it’s too hot to work. Don’t you just love July?
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