Kids these days

Teenagers, eh! Remember when you were a teenager? Did you just shudder? I remember. Like now, I knew it all when I was a teen. I put on a sweet face for my elders when advice was being dispensed—but, inside. Oh, the dialogue that was going on inside my head. Somewhere, on the timeline between then and now, I misplaced my internal dialogue. I’m trying to remember to keep my yap shut—but, teenagers. Teenagers sometimes make me let it all out, a sure sign of aging.

To start, there are about 800 of them at PECI. The high school I attended was much bigger. There were about 2,000 of us roaming the halls and smoking behind the portables. I hated high school when I was a kid. Shuffling from one class to the next with an armload of textbooks and binders.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a bad student. As a matter of fact I was very good. I just didn’t like being confined for six hours every day, in the same room with 40 other kids. I didn’t like the smell of the halls—like pencil shavings and rotting apples and ripening gym wear. One of the rules at good old Downsview Collegiate was, “Students must remain on school property during the school day.” Apparently, this particular rule meant once you set foot on school property, you had to stay there until you were formally dismissed for the day. Needless to say, I had problems staying on school property, especially when there happened to be a couple of “fries and gravy”-type restaurants within two blocks of the hallowed halls of high school heckishness. It never occurred to me there was an issue of liability if one of us were injured in our pursuit of the best chips. My theory then was “teenagers cannot live on meatloaf and grey peas alone. Fries and gravy lubricated the brain wheel for things like calculus and biology.” Cafeteria food was only an acceptable alternative on bad weather days. Back in the olden days, we could only go to our lockers during the first three minutes of lunch break and the three minutes before the sixth period began in the afternoon. Not enough time to sneak coats, boots and scarves out. Goodness knows we all tried, at least once. So, bad weather kept us in the cafeteria. When the weather outside was frightful, food fights were so delightful.

Things have changed a lot since the ’60s. There can’t be too many left eating in school cafeterias anymore. Every weekday the streets of Picton are inundated with teenagers on the hunt for a slice and a pop or quarter pounder with cheese or just hanging out—off property. I don’t know the rules about leaving school property during school hours. I’m sure all of those old rules have been deemed “unconstitutional” and “breaches of civil rights” and have been rewritten. These days, in Picton, there’s a disturbance in the force from around eleven in the morning until noonish. You can feel it in the air. Hundreds of teenagers burst through the doors of the school and invade the streets of “town” with boisterous enthusiasm and appetites for fast food, a bit of chaos and the re-enactment of their favourite computer games. If you’re inclined to be out and about during those brief moments, you’d better get a grip on your bundle buggy and reusable, canvas grocery bags. Teenagers are as egocentric as ever we once were. And if you want to play a great reality game of “Dodge the Kid,” hop into your car or truck and set a course through the side streets of Picton. Apparently, a 3,000 lb (1,360 kg) car is no match for a scrawny, carb-fuelled teenaged boy. Apparently. With a slice of pizza in one hand, a can of soda in the other and often wearing pants so tight they look like exoskeletons, the boys dart in and out of traffic like one of John Romero’s “Doom” characters. The girls are usually right behind the boys, all blushing and giggly in their Daisy Dukes (soon to be swapped for low rise, yoga-ish pants) and those stupid little, backless ballet slippers. The girls, for obvious reason, don’t move as quickly as the boys, but are as dangerous when they decide to move from the dark side to the sunny side of the street, often stopping mid-pavement to check their phone for texts or to take a pouty-pic.

Ah, yes. Teenagers. The clothing and technology has changed, but they still rule the world—in their own minds, of course. Be on the very mindful for the momentarily mindless. Soon enough they’ll be fluffing your pillow in “the home.”

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca