Letters
My future in Prince Edward County
By Talia Epstein, PECI student
“If you and all your little jew friends are offended, kick rocks and leave the County.” – A recent message sent to me.
Like it or leave it. It’s a narrative that is tied into the very spirit of Prince Edward County. A sense of community so dangerously strong that any question of it is shunned. A sense of pride connected to who has been here the longest. Whose grandparents’ grandparents’ grandparents owned what land when. It’s a game locals love to play. Who grew up with whom. Whose parents knew whose cousin in elementary school. Everyone, even if not connected by blood, is part of a huge family who would go to any lengths to protect each other.
And on the outside of that circle of fierce loyalty are all the people who struggle to align their identities with those that are displayed in our friends and neighbors. We try to relate to the conversations about our neighborhoods and community that date back hundreds of years, before our ancestors even stepped foot on Candian soil.
So many amazing and unique people welcomed us when we moved here, and so many more grew close to us and appreciate our presence to this day. But when I make a move to question that huge family unit, even some of those people turn. After all, “we are an old community, not a new one”. Starting school in the County in Grade 7, after being homeschooled and protected for three years since moving here from Kingston, was a massive wakeup call. Within months, no one was speaking to me. I focused on schoolwork and accepted that my social life would be non-existent for the time being. I started to notice people joking and talking about the history I realized I had no part of.
My history was different. It took place in different countries, under different circumstances, and with different outcomes. Then I started hearing my peers talking about things I did know, but not in ways I knew. I would be called over to a classmate’s desk, only to be greeted by an image of Anne Frank, with the heading: “One Time At Camp We Got So Baked, Anne Frankly, It Was Awesome.” My classmates would giggle as they watched me waiting for a reaction. Time and again I would be summoned to people’s computers, to be greeted by whatever gem came up after a Google search for “jew jokes”.
One indoor recess while playing cards with the other girls in my class, the girl next to me turned towards me and stuck something to my shirt. Everyone laughed as I glanced down and saw a huge yellow six-pointed star made of construction paper and adorned with the word “JEW” written in marker. Those years in elementary school cemented the idea in my mind that the County was not my home. It was only a home to those who had always called it home. Who actually belonged. At 12 years old, I would stay up late making plans for my dream house in Toronto or Ottawa. So excited to leave the county and everything it stood for. I hated it here. Then I started high school and things changed.
People didn’t stop Googling ‘jew jokes’ or sticking six-pointed stars to my person. And they started doing new things: drawing swastikas on my belongings, throwing coins at my feet in the halls, and addressing me as Jew instead of you. But I also had friends. Some of the people who laughed during those indoor recesses at my elementary school, turned into the best people in my life. People I now call my best friends and would trust with my life. People who stuck with me through so much. They gave me reasons to stay in the County, to try to build a home here.
So I started to look at the things I would change about the County if I could. The things that could be better about a pretty awesome place. My attention was brought to a local business with a name that sounded eerily similar to language used in the Nazi propaganda of WWII to describe the eradication of the Jews—The Final Solution. I talked to some friends about it and decided to reach out to the owner of the business via email. I never got a response. I posted my feelings about the situation to my Instagram story, expecting backlash to the degree I experienced regularly, but was blown away by a display of fear and loyalty I never dreamed possible.
I was met with a stream of comments, including those quotes already mentioned, and many others, some examples of which are: “no wonder the County ain’t the County no more. It’s people like you that wreck it”, “we aren’t Toronto, we are the County. Get that through your thick skull”, “I’ll just let you carry on destroying what was our beautiful County”, “the County is fine the way it is. Dont like it, leave”, “I have problems with people trying to change stuff”, “discrimination doesn’t just happen to Jews”, “you’re just too f*cking dumb”, “the new generation is so sensative”, “it’s only you guys that have twisted the words”, “if you don’t like it, move away”, “you’re a real f*cking c*nt”, “I can’t listen to you, I don’t want to lose that many brain cells”, “Nobody needs you shoving those beliefs down their throat”, “you’re a joke, bud”. It was a variety of comments from a variety of people, but seemed to boil down well into one simple message, courtesy of a girl I knew of from school, but had never spoken to. “It would be better if you left”.
So I wanted to ask the residents of PEC something very important. Do we, as a community, want to be a place that drives people away when they bring attention to our flaws? Or do we want to welcome that criticism as an opportunity to make our home a home to anyone else who might want to join us? Prince Edward County is a beautiful place. It is full of beautiful compassionate people. It is full of people who are so admirably connected and caring. It is and always will be my home, and home to other Jews and other minorities.
This is a chance for all of us to broaden our horizons and learn about things and people we might never have had the chance to. I know that the County is capable of being the most amazing place on earth, and it hurts to see that potential not being reached. It hurts to think the magnificent sense of community the County has built over the centuries is being expressed at the expense of other people. No, my great-great-great grandparents weren’t Loyalists, farming the same fields that are still being farmed today along some gravel backroad. I wasn’t even born here. But that doesn’t mean that the County isn’t my home. It is. And I am beyond proud to call it such.
Now when I think about my future, it’s here. I want to have a career here, and raise a family here. Let my children experience the strength and love of the County while also being able to be proud of their own history. I want them to have a home in a County that lets them be proudly Jewish and proudly PEC. Why is it that we have built a place where being both is a challenge?
On September 30 and October 1, 2019, millions of Jewish people around the world will celebrate Rosh Hashanah: the Jewish new year. Families around the globe will gather around their tables and dip apples in honey to bring in a sweet new year and celebrate how far the world has come. I hope all of Prince Edward County can join me in taking that first step, because what better time to build a place built on tradition but open to change than a whole new year?
I found this article while researching about the county, as I may be moving to the area early 2021. How would you say the climate is now, for someone ‘from away’? I’m no stranger to being the odd one out; I’ve moved a number of times in my childhood and have dealt with bullying and racism. I’m still a little concerned though, as I’ll be without my immediate family if I were to move there. I’m from the Philippines originally, although I pretty much am Canadian (lived here since I was 5, only speak English, with Canadian ‘accent’ etc…) but I’m worried about being targeted while not having my family to support me. (I’ll be staying with friends but they are Caucasian) Would you say it’s at least safe for me to move to PEC??
Wow. The fact that you need to ask this question really says something, doesn’t it?
I have been living in the County for about 50 years. I’m a white guy, so don’t really know kinda stuff you’ve had to deal with over the years. Based on what I have seen, I think you will generally be treated like everyone else, you are a fellow Canuck, but maybe you’ll get the occasional dumbass remark from some dumbass; like anywhere else we have our fair share. I like to think things are gradually getting better, but sometimes it seems to be going the opposite way.
I have no doubt you will be safe, as long as maybe you can deal with occasional verbal stupidity.
I read this months ago and meant to send a note to you, Talia… and then I forgot as the train of life moved along. Because of the current climate, amidst thinking about our own experiences, I thought about that brave young lady from PECI and that article I read. And so I’ve sought you out. Talia, your courage is inspiring. I hope you recognize this about yourself and that you continue to harness this strength as you become better, you lead and influence more. And this is how we become a better community. We’re a bi-racial family and I have a child that goes to PECI. After suffering bullying from a previous school, we transferred her to PECI and thankfully, with proper supports, she is doing better. I’m very sad to hear that the school where you’ve suffered these damaging and ugly experiences is the same school where my daughter found respite. I guess that can be sad and a hopeful thing. Hopeful that when there is evil, there is good. She is now a member of the Inclusion Committee and has genuine hopes that they make a difference. I see your resilience in her and am so proud and humbled to see such young hearts and minds survive something so seemingly “grown up” scathed but undefeated. You will do amazing things. You are doing amazing things. Keep your chin up.
It is worse than a little name calling. For us (non-jewish) but still with a funny last name, they burnt down our barn, put sugar in the gas tank of our car twice which destroyed the engine, drove their cars through our fences and our animals got out.. etc, etc.. You know who you are.
This county was in DIRE need of new blood and this is the last hurrah of a thin gene pool throwing their weight around.
I’m Jewish and have been a County resident for over 25 years. I have a daughter and grand daughters out here as well. It is, unfortunately, not difficult to envision what Talia has described. The County can be a very difficult place for people “from away”, a feeling I still experience 25 years later. I only hope the strength of character of people like Talia and my own family and all the others from away, be they Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Christian …prevail. And Shana Tovah (Happy New Year) to you all.
Mark.
POIGNANT ACCOUNT OF YOUNG GIRL’S EXPERIENCE, A STAIN ON OUR SEEMINGLY “UTOPIAN” COUNTY
There’s no question that racism and discrimination aren’t solely big-city problems, as evidenced by last weekend’s heart-rending article by Talia Epstein. A must-read that comes from personal experience, it is both mentally and emotionally difficult to read about how she had to endure the taunts, intolerance and bullying – all while simply trying to get an education. Her straightforward account of the “insider versus outsider” mentality is truly a wakeup call for us all.
Despite her story of the ugly slurs and bullying she was subjected to, she remains optimistic about living in the County. As she highlighted in, My Future is Prince Edward County, posted by peopleofpec (September 17th), “This is a chance for all of us to broaden our horizons and learn about things and people we might never have had the chance to. I know that the County is capable of being the most amazing place on earth, and it hurts to see that potential not being reached.”
Thankfully there are organizations stepping up to the plate in an effort to expand those horizons. One example is the September 29th celebration of Rosh Hashanah hosted by Cressy United Outreach.
For Talia, we can only hope she’s able to retain her tenacity and optimistic spirit about her future in the County, one where she can confidently build a career and raise a family “in a place that lets them be proudly Jewish and proudly PEC.”
I believe it is possible, but will require acknowledgement, acceptance and, dare we hope, embracement of a changing community, Canada and world.
Talia’s story:
https://peopleofpec.wordpress.com/2019/09/17/my-future-is-prince-edward-county-talia-epstein/
An articulate and thoughtful commentary written by a young woman still in high school. This must have been very painful to write. How lucky the County is to have her as a current and future leader. Thank you Talia
It takes courage to dare to put yourself out there and talk about this. Not to sound belittling, but I’m proud of you. As a Jewish woman who calls the County home, I’m also ‘from away’, I understand where you’re coming from, though I have not experienced that kind of insensivity personally. The bravery it took to face those kids day in and day out, and now to share this with others is the right step, THE ONLY STEP, for our community. Thank you for being the brave one.