Pushing and shoving

A good friend of mine said, “If you have a choice between being honest and being nice, be nice.” It’s pretty good advice and goodness knows I try to be nice, but what really works for my conscience is “being nice, with a side of honest.” Sometimes the honest part gets me into a spot of trouble, but I can live with that.

So here’s the nice and the honest. Honestly, I was a bit surprised to open my Facebook account last week and see a profile for a man who lives in Picton but isn’t likely to socialize through Facebook. I’ve known this man for well over 30 years and socializing doesn’t even seem to be on his radar. He has, nicely put, a social disconnect.

His world isn’t a page on a social media site. People who know and have accepted Owen for the person he is, were angered by the so-called fun being had at his expense. His “profile” included an image of him, very obviously captured by a coward with a cellphone camera, without his knowledge. “Owen’s” info page included an extensive list of his supposed cultural and personal preferences.

Owen is a local character. We all are. He will, most likely, never know about this little bit of fun some idiot had at his expense. And, honestly, no harm, no foul. Right? I guess so. We can all sleep tonight knowing what Owen doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. The little game made me feel ashamed and sad. Ashamed because I didn’t say what was on my mind right awaywhen I saw the profile. And sad, because it happened in this community where we pride ourselves on our connectivity and inclusivity and creativity.

Facebook is about socializing and having your say, and sadly, I felt a bit afraid of the potential fallout if I did say something. We all know how that works. Thankfully, Robyn and Ed didn’t feel that pressure, nor were they conflicted about the rights of this man. Their comments on the “social media injustice” toward Owen were direct and without flowery prose. Within hours, the profile of Owen was removed.

Indeed. Thank you Robyn and Ed, your comments helped me re-learn a valuable lesson and, if you know me, you know I’m hard of learning. It’s never wrong to speak out when you see or hear of an injustice. It’s really easy to have fun as someone else’s expense. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t always take the easy road.

Am I done yet? Well, of course not. Bullying has become a high-profile behaviour recently. We’ve all done it (oh, yes we have) and we’ve all been victims of it. When I was in elementary school there was always a group of kids who ruled the school yard. If you weren’t part of the group you were the target of the pinching, shoving, teasing and fibbing. In those supposed “good old days” most parents and educators just didn’t know how to deal with bullying and the answer to any complaint from the school yard was usually to get back out there and give them “a taste of their own medicine” or “they’re just teasing, don’t be such a baby” and, my favourite, “kids will be kids.” There were times when I wished away my childhood because I couldn’t wait to grow up and get away from the bullies. Surprise, surprise! Bullies grew up, too. They became workplace bullies. When bullying isn’t stopped, it eventually affects the onlookers, the bystanders. Bystanders are afraid to bring attention to themselves because they could be the next victim. I hope you’re nodding your head in agreement right now. That’s how it works, right?

Our world has become very small. As a child, I remember thinking how far away my family in Britain and Europe was and I remember how long a letter took to get from here to there. Days and days. Cyber technology has created a tight-knit community out of the big blue marble. We don’t have to travel any distance to be in touch with friends, family, co-workers or clients. We can have our say in local, national and international affairs.

We can send financial assistance to the war torn and the weather ravaged without a trip to the bank. We have created the perfect atmosphere to become better, nicer people and honestly try to right the wrongs. Or not.