Schoolyard politics

When I was still very young, I learned many of the unhelpful platitudes that go along with being bullied.

“Just ignore them and they’ll stop,” “Children are cruel,” and “They’re just jealous” were common. But in all the mess of ineffective advice that seems bizarre to deliver to an emotionally vulnerable eight-year-old, no adult in my life taught me how to improve myself—just that the kids who harassed me were somehow more flawed than I was.

It turns out old trope the bullies are somehow damaged people is not so true. William Golding seems to have gotten it right: bullies are strong, natural leaders. Their victims are more socially, emotionally and physically vulnerable.

Since our scrutiny of the bullying phenomenon in schools has intensified, studies have started to reveal that bullies are actually expressing natural human behaviours, working out their dominance in their social group and, as a result, improving their self-worth.

A Canadian study published earlier this month shows high school kids who bully have higher self-esteem and lower instances of depression than the rest of their classmates. Those with the lowest self-esteem are those who are both victims and perpetrators of bullying. Victims and bystanders fall in between.

It seems our bullying behaviour is actually a natural human trait. Boys and men use physical aggression to elevate themselves socially and to be more physically attractive. Girls and women diminish each other emotionally and socially to eliminate viable competition. Some of us are meant to be bullies, and some of us are meant to be bullied.

There is no justice in this. But there may be a lesson to learn.

School programs to prevent bullying and harassment today have been worked and reworked for decades. The well-intentioned guidelines for teachers include saccharine sentiments like promoting respect and a positive environment, and explaining to students why their behaviour might be hurtful.

Given the information we have about the motivation behind bullying, it seems unlikely those strategies would prevent a child from being a bully.

If the only way to climb to the top of the social ladder in schoolyard politics is to hurt those weaker than you, a teacher’s condemnation serves as a badge of honour, not a mark of shame.

When kids are learning how to interact in social situations, being told that everyone is equal and should be treated with respect is easy to reject when the playground is a Lord of the Flies-esque struggle for power and respect.

Sure, adults can guide children, but they have no place in that childhood kingdom, and I think we all know it.

If we acknowledge that the human trait of struggling for power in the no-holds-barred world of childhood can lead to bullying, we can work on leadership in bullies instead of berating them. We can work on self-esteem and social and physical skills in victims.

As we see familiar back-to-school sales start to pop up way too early and teachers’ unions fight a familiar battle with the Ontario government, it’s one thing we could change for all those kids dreading the new school year.

mihal@mihalzada.com