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Second fiddle bows out
It’s hard to think of a job that is more taxing than that of Queen of the Realm. You always have to be on your best behaviour. You just don’t get much time to put your feet up and say “To heck with the world, I’m taking a for-me day.”
But I suggest there is one position that is even worse than that of Queen; namely, the position of Queen’s consort. You have to be just as much on your game as your companion, but you have to trail a few steps behind her and stoop so that you don’t overshadow her. And you have to sit and listen to your wife give the same speech over and over again, and applaud with enthusiasm. You are strictly second fiddle.
So it was with mixed emotions that I greeted last week’s news that Prince Philip, at age 95, is packing in his public appearances and letting other royal family members take on the heavy lifting. On one hand, I can’t believe he has stuck it out so long, and wish him a well-deserved retirement. On the other hand, I will miss his mouth.
Prince Philip is, shall we say delicately, known for the occasional blunt and insensitive remark. He once told a group of deaf children listening to a Caribbean steel band “If you’re near that music, it’s no wonder you’re deaf.” He said to the President of Nigeria, who was dressed in traditional costume, “You look like you’re ready for bed.” To a Scottish driving instructor, he asked “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”
His tart remarks have extended to Canada as well. Celebrating a new facility being opened in Vancouver, he stated “I declare this thing open, whatever it is.” And on a 1960 tour, he defended the monarchy by stating “We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.”
And he hasn’t spared his own family, About his daughter Princess Anne, he remarked “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay then she isn’t interested.”
He seems to have a particular dislike of British pop stars. Of Elton John, he once stated “I wish he’d turn the microphone off” and on another occasion “Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car, is it?” And to Tom Jones “What do you gargle with, pebbles?” and that is was difficult to see how someone could become wealthy singing “the most hideous songs.”
Philip can, however, be quite self-deprecating. To a dental association, for example, he stated that “Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years.” On the eve of his retirement statement, he was heard to describe himself as the “world’s most experienced plaque unveiler.”
There is also a certain refreshing upper-classiness to his comments. Take his speech to an aircraft association: “If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort— provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.” Or his comment to an American television reporter about royal financial troubles “ We go into the red next year… I shall probably have to give up polo.” During a speech in 2000, he defended the upper crust by saying “People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.”
My two favourite stories about Prince Philip are probably not true, but urban legends. The first is the famous “Keep your fork, Duke, there’s pie for dessert” remark, which has been attributed to Philip, but is also said to have been made to the Duke of Connaught, when he was Governor General a century ago. The second is the tale of the mayor of a northern Ontario town, who on greeting the royal couple went up to Philip and said “So nice to meet you and your lovely wife, your Majesty.”
It seems to me that, after 65 years of public scrutiny, it’s reasonable to say to his detractors “Is that all you’ve got?” It’s not as though he ever made any negative comments about his wife’s bad taste in hatwear, or openly admired the regime of Idi Amin. And he’s also established the Duke of Edinburgh’s Awards, which set high achievement goals for young people, as well as having patronized hundreds of charitable causes.
There should be a special place in our hearts for him in Prince Edward County. Six years ago, to the managing director of a wind farm company, he called wind turbines “absolutely useless” and an “absolute disgrace.” If he ever wants to come and see the Wellington Dukes, he could stay at my place.
I wish him well in his retirement. I hope he doesn’t retire his mouth, even if it’s just used to amuse the wife.
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