Columnists
The Good Old Summer Time
I think many Canadians have a vision of what summer should be. We mostly think of summer as being “July and August” as in “What are you going to be doing in July and August? Holidays?” LOML and I have a more extended view of summer and look forward to those weeks from the Two- Four Weekend to Labour Day, because it’s the time of year we don’t do a lot of travelling. Basically, we’re retired and our summer starts in May and ends in September. We’ve become smarter in our old age and know enough to leave those weeks to people who have planned their summer vacation to happen during those lazy, hazy days. Our summer is almost always a time to enjoy the porch—even more than usual—have some wine on the patio, entertain our family while they do their July or August vacations and, generally speaking, we leave rhe County to the tourists.
This year, like every other, we were looking forward to getting into those deep, hot summer days. And then? Well, and then we received a message from our niece. Her mom had died. LOML’s younger sister had passed away. Suddenly and peacefully, Baby Sister Patricia died before her summer even got started. She was far too young to exit the building. Patricia was the person who always had so many things on her agenda, especially around vacation and holiday time. Her calendar was always filled with birthdays, travel, cups of tea with family or friends, a bit of shopping, a weekend with a friend, lunch and dinner dates, updating the family history and visiting all of her loved ones. On July 3rd, her passing was now a date on our calendars. Patricia was never the person to plop a surprise on anyone unless, of course, it was a practical joke. When she did have a “joke” up her sleeve, the look on her face almost always betrayed her. None of us saw this surprise coming. And so our family started summer with an unscheduled get-together to mourn, and to celebrate, the passing of the Baby Sister, the cousin, the friend, the Mom, the Grandma and the Life Partner. Patricia loved to chat on the phone or by email or on Messenger, but most especially she loved to get into the deep down chatter in-person. She loved, loved, to be surrounded by people, hearing their stories, commiserating, encouraging them in their pursuits and heaping praise upon them when they “done good, kiddo”. Pat-the-Brat would have loved her own celebration of life and her funeral. In my mind’s eye, I could see her engaging in a long conversation with each and every person who had assembled to say their goodbyes to her. Everyone would have been touched by her presence.
But I’m not going to eulogise my friend, my sister-in-law. I want to say I thought I knew Patricia as well as anyone could know a person. However, it was in those days and hours, last week, I heard so many stories from others who knew “their Pat” that I was happy to say I didn’t really know her. Each one of us had written our own chapter in her life. So many times, in the past week, I wanted to say, “I didn’t know that about her!” Or, “Really, I can’t believe she would ever do that, eat that, say that or go there.” It was a week of listening to stories and hearing about the woman I loved as a sister, and as a friend. It was this past week in which I came to really understand there was more than one dimension to a person and much more than my point of view, and many others had a very different perspective from which to say their piece and describe their Patricia. All of it was good. All of it was kind. All of it came from a good place. No one could believe she was able to pull off such a surprise without her classic tell—the red cheeks, the downcast eyes and the little giggle.
If you’re like me, and I know most of you are, you’ve said these words, “Let’s plan a get together.” If you’re like me, this usually happens at a funeral or a celebration of a life lived. Several times, in the past week, I thought it was time to put all of the friends and family together under the same roof and definitely under happier circumstances. And then? Well, and then I thought “Funerals are the circumstances life presents, sometimes.” But, now, (right now) is as good a time as any to phone or email or message or visit that person you think you know and you know you love. It’s as good a time as any to organise a get-together, not waiting until the floors have been refinished or the new deck is installed or the kitchen has been redone or you’ve lost ten pounds. It’s as good a time as any, right now, to open up the doors and your heart and let your friends and family in. Have a potluck and a BYOB. Dig out the embarrassing photographs. Borrow a few lawn chairs and make sure the air-beds are air-worthy. By the time your guests are too tired to laugh, talk and laugh a bit more they will be too tired to care about the accommodations.
Yep, Patricia would have enjoyed that get-together. We’re all gonna miss ya girl! You would have loved the celebration, for sure.
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