The party that almost was

Christmas happens every year
it can wear a little thin
So Santa said “I think it’s time
for me to go all in.”

“I’m going to host a party
when all the work is done
We’ll hold it down in Wellington
where they’re always having fun.”

“We’ll ask the usual suspects, but
let’s think outside the box
For instance, ask those shepherd guys
the ones who watched their flocks!”

“We’ll have the blessed Mother come
and Joseph if he’s able
And the cattle whose loud lowing noise
woke sleepers in the stable.”

“And of course that famous baby
born on Christmas day
Yes—Justin Trudeau—though he’s never
In a manger lay.”

“The kids in town will have to come
so they’ll want lots of treats
While we wassail they’ll skate around
on the rink at Midtown Meats.”

“We must invite the three wise men
assuming they’re in town
They’d love to meet with Mel Torme
and schmooze with Parson Brown.”

“Good King Wenceslas will come
if the snow falls not one inch
He’ll get his chance to melt the heart
of mean old Mr. Grinch.”

“Ebenezer Scrooge, the Cratchits
and the Ghosts of Christmas Past
Chuck Dickens would have wanted it
but we’d better move real fast.”

“We’ll sing some sacred carols
the tunes we love so well
Like Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree
Silent Night and Jingle Bells.”

But his brow became all furrowed
and he stroked his bearded chin
As the awesome implications
began to settle in

“Eight reindeer plus young Rudolph
six laying geese, three hens
Twelve leaping lords, now hold it
where will the guest list end?”

“And where’s the place to hold it
the old Town Hall’s too small
And we’re well beyond capacity
at Highline Mushroom Hall.”

“Just what’s this going to cost me
and I hope I don’t sound rude
But what if folks are only there
for eggnog and free food?”

“And though he knows some party tricks
like ‘thumpety thump thump thump’
Frosty might bring trouble
or a tweet from Donald Trump.”

“As for that little drummer boy
I suppose that he can come
But if you’re like me you’ve heard enough
parumpa rumpa pum pum.”

“The local politicians all
will no doubt want to speak
If I give them 30 seconds
they’ll take up one whole week.”

“And the residents of Wellington
that they come is fundamental
But their houses look so empty—
are they all vacation rentals?”

“And what if someone slips and falls
or gets into a fight?
I may be sued and liable
I’m a good guy—that’s not right!”

When he thought of all the hassles
the more it gave him pause
“‘No party,” he said, “I’ll stay home
just me and Mrs. Claus.’”

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