The rumour is out

The rumour is out. According to at least two fully accredited celebrity-spotters, Hollywood (and Canadian) actress Rachel McAdams has been seen in and around the Drake Devonshire hotel. While it’s entirely possible that she was just there to have herself a DrakeBurger and see what all the fuss has been about, her visit is giving rise to speculation that a Major Motion Picture might actually get itself filmed here. More than that, it’s leading to speculation that the County might become a hotbed of movie-making.

Ms. McAdams has a lengthy resume, including such films as Morning Glory (with Harrison Ford) and the HBO series True Detective. She has recently confirmed she wlll appear opposite very hot property Benedict Cumberbach in the film Doctor Strange, set to be released next fall. So she is not a woman who would be coming to the County to film an informercial for toenail clippers. She is definitely A-list.

While cameras have not been seen rolling, this must mean that Ms. McAdams has been checking out locations in and around Wellington. Only steps away from the Drake Devonshire, for instance, is the Wellington and District Heritage Museum. Is it not possible that a remake of the movie based on John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row is in the offing? Or perhaps Ms. McAdams had her eye on the vacant store and pizzeria at the corner of Wharf and Main streets, for a remake of the film Little Shop of Horrors.

Perhaps instead Ms. McAdams was in town to check out the site of the former Midtown Meats plant—for a scene from a movie in which a vegetarian activist (McAdams) burns down a meat packing plant owned by a former boyfriend (to be played by Leonardo DiCaprio), who unbeknownst to her, has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer that is attributed to radioactive hummus he has eaten while protesting against the proposed Keystone XL pipeline in order to win her affection. She realizes the error of her ways, that she loves him after all, and in order to win him back renounces her vegetarianism and volunteers for Habitat for Humanity to build low income housing on the site of the former plant, which, in a happy coincidence, dovetails with the aims of the County official plan. They reconcile, and just before he dies in her arms leaving nary a dry eye, they both learn that the Wellington Dukes (they met at a Dukes game) have won the Dudley Hewitt trophy. Or something like that.

Okay, so that one doesn’t fly. Perhaps Ms. McAdams has in mind a romantic comedy in which she stars as a mother of eight whose dream of pursuing a career as an internationally celebrated concert violinist falls to pieces after her husband, who operates the local meat packing plant (cue the meat plant again), is caught in flagrante delicto in the stacks with the libidinous local librarian (cue the library) and flees town in the dead of night with all the plant’s inventory. After all kinds of failed enounters with romantic partners (cue the grocery store, the pharmacy and so on), she meets up with a lonely patron in a local blues bar (cue the bar). They fall in love, and she willingly compromises her musical dreams—she settles for playing Jack Benny tunes once a week in the bar—to stay home and raise nine children together (they produce one of their own, of course). She has dreamed of winning the lottery with her oft-stated lucky number combination, but has not left herself enough time to acquire tickets as her regular outlet has closed (cue the abandoned variety store again). She is initially devastated when her numbers would have won $60 million, but soon reminds herself that happiness counts for more than money. The movie ends with her cheerily doing laundry while her husband watches the Sunday afternoon football game (cue the Legion). Sites further afield suggest all kinds of possiblities, whether or not the films are vehicles for Ms. McAdams’ talents. How about Wellington on the Lake, where Angela Lansbury could star as the relatively youthful camp counsellor hired to a position as recreation director that nobody will take—for good reason. Or Ostrander Point, where a science fiction film (Blade Crawler?), could be made about the escape of Blanding’s Turtles from giant scything turbines that drive them mad with rage. Lake on the Mountain could be the venue for a remake of the final scene from The Mission. One of our numerous vineyards could be employed as the background for a heartwarmer in which a former NHL tough guy turns to growing grapes as a way to burn his money. Or our mushroom plant, an ideal location—no special effects required—for a remake of the classic Peter Sellers comedy A Shot in the Dark.

Or, most scary of all, you could use the council chamber in Picton for a remake of Groundhog Day, for which the size of council debates would be re-enacted endlessly—again, no special effects required. Maybe we should hope instead that Ms. McAdams was really just dropping by to sample a Drake- Burger.

dsimmonds@wellingtontimes.ca