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The Walton mistake
Do you ever get the sense that your home is not located in Wellington; that you really live somewhere else? Well, if you live on my street, Carla Court, that is no illusion.
Here’s the reason. According to Bell Canada’s White Pages paper telephone directory, I live in Wellington. All well and good. But according to the online, always-up-todate directory Canada411.ca, I don’t live in Wellington but in a place called Walton, Ontario. I’m not alone: six other houses on my street with a Canada 411 listing are also located in Walton, and the infection has also spread to nearby Skiff Cove Road and Shourds Street. It may go further still.
To add to the confusion, Canada 411’s directions map puts my house—and all the other should-be-Wellington-but-says-Walton residences— at a spot on Danforth Road about 100 metres east of its intersection with Chase Road.
Where, in fact, is Walton, Ontario? According to Wikipedia, Walton is a hamlet located in the municipality of Morris-Turnberry, in Huron County, about 45 kilometres east of Goderich. Its climate “is determined by a combination of the prevailing westerly wind and proximity to the Great Lakes, referred to as lake effect. This is particularly evident during winter months as part of the snowbelt on the lee of Lake Huron.” (So we have something in common: wind and snow).
If you’re a motorcycle racing enthusiast, you may already know of Walton. It bills itself as “the motocross town,” and hosts the annual TransCan event. Enterprises in the town include construction, a gravel pit, several farmerrelated enterprises, a variety store, computer recycling, trucking, crafts, a repair shop, an aircraft and toy shop, mobile seed cleaning, and engineering services. Sadly, its landmark United Church closed its doors in 2015.
It all sounds very charming, and I thank the Canada 411 people for giving me the opportunity to pretend I reside there, but I think I’d sooner go for the consistency of belonging to just one municipality. Who knows how many people have tried to track me down in the County by telephone, bearing news of an unexpected inheritance or a Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes win, only to give up in frustration because the closest match they could find was a David Simmonds who lived in Walton. “That couldn’t be him,” they would have said to themselves. And I shudder to think how many of my long lost Aunt Myrtles and high school buddy Edwins have vacationed in the County saying to themselves, “I tried to look up my nephew/chum David while I was here. I was sure he lived in Wellington but the only David Simmonds I could find was in Walton. He must have an unlisted number. I guess he doesn’t want visitors.”
I smell the makings of a class action against Canada 411—damages for lost economic opportunity and emotional distress.
You want to ask: “How did this error occur?” Beats me, although you would have to suspect, the names both beginning with a “W,” a keystroking error. Next, you pose the musical question “How long has this been going on?” Well, I’m into my 11th year in the County, and I’ve had the problem from the get-go. So, quite a long time. Then, you ask, “Why hasn’t anybody else complained?” They may have, but they have lives with meaning and no time for trivial pursuits like this one.
“Well then,” you ask, “Why haven’t you just sorted this out with Canada 411—and ditched the negative attitude?” Over the years I have called and written, albeit in a desultory way. The people at Bell listings have said it’s Canada 411’s fault, and the people at Canada 411 have referred me back to Bell. For some reason, no one inside the telephone bureaucracy sees the opportunity to champion my complaint as a career builder. Besides, I like having a negative attitude: the continuing foul-up gives me something to complain about.
Maybe I should just thank my lucky stars I didn’t get assigned to Wiarton, or Windsor. And maybe I should see this mistake as a signal that the fates of Wellington and Walton are somehow intertwined, and as an opportunity for cultural enrichment. I can see The Times headline now: “The ‘motocross town’ makes common cause with ‘the coolest spot when the weather’s hot’.” Wellington could send Walton a float or two to enter its Canada Day parade, and invite Walton to send a platoon of motocross riders to join our Pumpkinfest parade, That would take the performance pressure off our local Shriners, who aren’t getting any younger.
Perhaps the Walton mistake heralds a new era in municipality to municipality reconciliation. Maybe Canada 411 is on to something, and the mistake is a deliberate but subtle form of social engineering financed by some well—meaning charitable foundation. Next time, however, how about assigning me to Waikiki—or Wellington, New Zealand. I’ve done my time with Walton, even though I’ve never ridden motocross.
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