There goes Jupiter

Let’s just start by saying, the last thing I want to do is collect on any type of insurance policy. I don’t feel because I’ve paid a premium I should be able to collect unless justified. And, for the record, I do a slow burn when I hear about people circumventing the rules to get an insurance payout. Those people make my premiums skyrocket. Besides, an insurance payout just means some kind of accident or mishap or problem has occurred. Who wants to deal with any of that, right?

So, y’all know I have what the brothers refer to as a “broken wing.” It was an accident. A mishap. It’s a problem. If anything, the injury is healing fine, thank you very much, but now it’s time for some work to get my range of motion and strength back. Therapy. Rehab. Whatever you want to call it. My doctor looked at my most recent x-ray, last week, and said it was time to work out those kinks. Naturally he suggested I spend some quality time with a registered physiotherapist and, in the County, we’ve got lots of great physiotherapists. I know because I frigged up my other shoulder about 12 years ago.

But, I know me. If I hadn’t been working so hard to get my sorry arse into shape over the last six months, I’d likely be heading off to a registered physiotherapist.

The day I got the go-ahead from Dr. S. I would have called someone who would work on my right arm, my right collarbone and my right shoulder. Funny thing is, as the emergency medical team (at the scene of the accident) helped drag my busted body out to the way of oncoming cyclists, I knew my first call (when all was said and done, medically) would be to my trainer. I believe I might have said as much while waiting for the ambulance. He’s the person who knows me better than I know me. I wanted him to be the guy who would work on my busted wing while helping me to maintain my fitness level all over. I knew he’d work on the whole person not just my right side. I was very confident. I heard the crack of the bone. I knew what was ahead.

So, the moment I was finished with my good doctor (he’s a sympathetic cyclist type), I headed to the gym to see if Mr. B was ready and willing to “work his magic” on my broken wing and sprained body. Indeed he was. I knew he would be.

I relaxed and went home to check out our health insurance plan. I was involved in an accident. I was hurt. I needed fixing. Time to see if there would be any way to collect so I could “pay the piper.” Page 13 of my handy-dandy Insurance Plan Booklet lists the following: Acupuncturist; Chiropodist; Chiropractor; Dietician; Herbalist; Homeopath; Naturopath; Nutritionist; Osteopath; Physiotherapist; Podiatrist; Registered Clinical Psychologist (are there unregistered ones?); Registered Massage Therapist (I know a few unregistered ones); Speech Therapist; Reflexologist; and Shiatsu Therapist. I call this the “one and only list.” Our extended benefits insurer calls it the “Paramedical Practitioners’ List” (when operating within their recognized fields of expertise). I didn’t expect a Registered Clinical Psychologist to recommend an herbal remedy and suggest a massage.

I did think our insurer, who had the wisdom to include alternative practitioners on their list—who can do what, with which and to whom—would understand the benefits of an experienced trainer.We do, after all, live in a country where obesity and lack of physical fitness abound. But I digress.

Nah, I didn’t really expect to see “Personal Trainer” on their damn list. No I didn’t.

I was, however, just a smidge disappointed, the way you are when tearing back the giftware and finding socks where the toys should have been. Total health is what we should be aiming for, right? I’ve been working on my total health. I avoid the sweets. I eat more vegetables and fruit. I choose the whole grains over the pulpy white fluff. I lean on the lean proteins and have added the dreaded no-fat dairy to my daily menu.Ya, ya, you know I like the local wine—especially a certain Cab Franc—but, the number of bottles in our blue box has dropped dramatically in six months. My total health isn’t represented in my insurer’s booklet on page 13, but on page 18 there is a section entitled “Educational Programs.” Maybe my rehab will become a “medically related education program.” Bend and stretch, reach for the stars!

theresa@wellingtontimes.ca