Columnists
Two men and the women they hurt
Rob and Jian. As my friend Candice said, “The discussions and outcomes surrounding the lives of Rob Ford and Jian Ghomeshi are polarizing.” Not too many people can stand back and say they think either one of these men were saints. They weren’t. In Ghomeshi’s case, he isn’t. In the very public media history of Rob Ford, rarely did he engage in a conversation about his wife in a respectful manner. Renata Ford, for all intents and purposes, was the so-called property of her late husband. Renata Ford was a battered and abused woman. There is a police record of calls for assistance in violent situations. There is a history of interventions. There is a history of Renata Ford leaving the marital home, only to return to the same or much worse. She was, as Ford slyly stated, “enough to eat at home.” Rob Ford was a bully. Rob Ford was an abusive man. Rob Ford was a very crude, disrespectful man. But, in the manner of many abuse victims, Renata Ford “stood by her man.” Why was that? Why did women continue to engage in a personal relationship with Jian Ghomeshi after they were battered and abused? Indeed, why are women drawn back into abusive relationships? Statistically, women in abusive relationships will go back to the abuser more than a dozen times. In many cases, women who return go from victims of abuse to murder victims. I, like many of you, have read dozens of accounts of men abusing and battering women. As much as I have read, I may never understand why a woman would go back for more. Even when I’ve read the psychologists’ reports and explanations, I hope I would behave differently if I were in an abusive relationship. But would I be strong enough to leave? If I had children to consider and/or had no place to go but back, is that what I would do? If I was afraid of what my family would say, what would I do? If I was embarrassed about what my friends would think, would I return for more of the same?
Spousal and partnership abuse and battery, I have read, is isolating. Many victims are too afraid of being judged by their friends and family. Even though many abuse victims might have a huge, loving support group, the last thing they want to admit is that they made a judgement error. The real mistake is that a lot of abuse victims don’t—or won’t—ask for help. Many are afraid of becoming victimized, once again. And that’s the truth. Even though there wasn’t enough solid evidence to convict Ghomeshi, there seems to be no doubt, in many minds, he is a sexually and physically abusive man.
On October 26, 2014, the CBC fired Mr. Ghomeshi after seeing “graphic evidence that Ghomeshi had caused physical injury to a woman.” The CBC saw Mr. Ghomeshi as a public relations problem. After the CBC story broke, nine women came forward to state that he had physically and sexually abused them. After a lengthy court session, on March 24, Judge William B. Horkins delivered a 26-page decision on the Ghomeshi case. Judge Horkins noted that allegations against Ghomeshi were supported by nothing more than the complainants’ word. There was “no smoking gun or DNA evidence” to convict Mr. Ghomeshi. On March 22, Rob Ford, the crack smoking, drug dealing, wife beating, media crazy, no-respectfor- the-public man was stopped on his path by cancer. As much as I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone, I feel sad for Renata Ford who is left to deal with the aftermath of mixed emotions. In the same light, I feel the same for the women who came forward in the Ghomeshi case. They will feel the trauma of their testimony and the outcome of that trial for the rest of their lives.
I, like many of you, am conflicted by my feelings about these two men. When will our justice system serve everyone equally?
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