Unplug me

I live in the dark. I mostly work from home and electricity rates are high during the day so, even on the most overcast and dreary days of winter, I only turn on lights if I can’t see my hand in front of my face. Mechanical timers abound in my house lest I overuse and forget to “turn off” a power guzzler. Laundry only gets done on Sunday; woe to me if I happen to have a particularly messy week and run out of wearables of any kind. I don’t have to worry about humidity in my house because damp laundry gets hung to dry on the backs of chairs or is draped over bannisters and, when the weather permits, on the clothesline in the back yard. I have come to embrace the “loofah” feel of bath towels, fresh from the outside line. I now make a sassy fashion statement wearing t-shirts with those clothespin-shoulder-carbuncles. I have a hairdryer but it is rarely used, and we all know my hair needs all the help it can get. Because of hydro costs I have adopted the “cook once, eat twice” method of meal preparation. I once taught students at Markham Museum how to make a solar oven out of a pizza box. I never figured I’d think seriously about reviving and revising those instructions to save a couple of bucks. In the last 18 months, I have gradually replaced our old, inefficient, major appliances and although I own a vast array of small kitchen appliances, I hardly ever use them. My knife skills have improved since retiring the food processor.

But hey, am I the only one who just opened their hydro bill and felt the blood drain from their already cold, damp, frizzframed face? Seriously, I’m looking for a part-time job to shed a bit of light on my life. I was one of those people who believed all the crap we’d been fed about not paying enough for our hydro over the years. As the news of steep increases in hydro rates were publicized, I braced myself for the day we’d all have to pay the power-piper for the cheap electricity we’d supposedly enjoyed for decades. Little did I know the hydro piper wasn’t really piping, if you know what I mean. While we all sucked it up and struggled to keep our hydro bills under control— living like the Beverly Hillbillies—it seems the power suits who are “power generators” have been paid literally millions of dollars to “not produce.” Excuse me? Did I hear correctly? Indeed. Let me just say, the day I’m offered a multi-million dollar job where I don’t have to actually work but get to collect a pay cheque, I’ve got my “produced-in-the-dark” resume ready. What the friggin’ frizzy cold day in consumer hell is going on? Not only have the generators been paid to “not generate” but the traders have been paid to “not import.” Don’t get me wrong, I still firmly believe “less is best” as regards electrical consumption; but once in a while it would be nice to use the clothes dryer or the food processor or the hairdryer without feeling like I need to go to confession. A recent article by John Spears made me think I might get to use my newfound knife skills on something other than julienned vegetables grown in the organic patch outback by the clothesline.

According to John Spears, the Ontario electricity market’s official watchdog recently stated: “Of the $360 million in Congestion Management Settlement Credits (CMSC’s) payments, $161 million was paid for not generating and $146 million was paid for not importing.” Congestion management! What the H E double grids are you talking about. Paid to do nothing. I did a little digging around and according to APPrO, the so-called Voice of Competitive generation in Ontario, “A power grid isn’t like the circulatory system in a human body.” Well, no shock Sherlock. And, “it must serve all extremities without exception, and it must be able to grow to meet new needs as the overall body grows.” So, let me get this straight, an electrical grid is not like a human body but, it is. Instead of blocked arteries the grid gets congestion with electrical power. The lowdown is, without the baffling body parts talk, the APPrO (the Association of Power Producers of Ontario) wants us to know there are some serious capacity limitations in certain areas. Blah, blah, blah, I get it. Basically, it’s all about the “smart grid” which will (supposedly) be able to optimize power flow to areas of need, on demand, sorta. I get that part, too. And, some grids can handle more electricity than others— good arteries and clogged arteries. Some power generators, especially in northern Ontario, know when those target grids will be congested and offer to sell power to the grid during that period. Knowing only so much can go down those non-bodylike power arteries to users like us, they gamble on congestion. Power grid congestion can impose a limit when a power plant actually produces. I get that part. But, seriously I’m confused about the payments for no trading and no production.

So, dig out your last electricity bill and have a good look at it while you gnaw on this. Some power generators anticipate the congestion and offer to sell power at a pretty price during an anticipated “clog.” The buyers like the price, play the game and buy “future needs.” When the time comes to send the juice, the grid (as anticipated) can’t handle it. The generator can’t send, but receives a payment anyway. In fact, many power plants actually close down completely and restart several times in a day just to get the good rates. Indeed, one generator has played a game of “on and off” 336 times in a six-month period last year. In 2010 there were 426 occasions when power generators were shut down and restarted in two hours or less, anticipating the congestion. The payoff for a generator to shut down and fire up again is about $50,000 in revenue, compared to about $10,000 if they stay online. If they’re fossil fuel generators, they’ve been guaranteed payments for the cost incurred in the restart. Guess who really pays that piper?

Ya, something’s going to be done about the scam, but it’s not likely to happen until we’re building solar ovens outta pizza boxes while wearing dirty socks. I wonder if someone will pay me $50,000 to turn my lights off and on every two hours.