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These are not the best of times for County morale.

The County’s ranking ranter, Steve Campell, has been calling somewhat tongue in cheek for County independence for a while now. And then, wouldn’t you know it, a half-page advertisement appeared in The Times last week, stating:

“There are times when a government becomes the enemy of those it governs and must be overthrown. This is one of those times. … The residents of Prince Edward County, wishing to escape the tyranny of a government actively pursuing policies prejudicial to the wildlife of North America, the environment and economy of Prince Edward County and the health and well being of its residents, do hereby secede from the province of Ontario to become a separate province of Canada in its own right.”

That’s heady stuff. But even the more softly spoken Garth Manning of Wellington posted the following on countylive.ca a few days ago:

“The County is suffering two simultaneous body blows. The first is the approval of the nine turbines at Ostrander Point and the other the QHC proposal for Picton Memorial Hospital. It’s time for County residents who care passionately for our way of life to get together and say so—loud and clear. The recent preliminary hearing of the Environmental Review Tribunal at the Picton Town Hall confirms that we’ve been pushed around and silent long enough.”

Okay, so let’s admit up front that health care and the environment are pretty important issues, and that on both counts we seem to be taking the short end of the stick. But is it smart politics to admit that we’re down? If I were the Liberal government (though if I were, I wouldn’t be setting foot in the County), I would go through my list of noxious projects and say to myself: okay, these people think they’re losers and are never going to vote for us again anyway, so let’s just avoid creating misery for another group and give these County people a toxic waste dump and a spent nuclear fuel disposal site while we’re at it; maybe we could throw in a casino

To me, it’s pretty important that we keep up County morale. To look on the cheerful side, for example, if they are taking away our hospital and adding wind turbines, that must mean that wind turbines don’t affect our health, right?

But I’m not alone. Our County’s economic development people are very concerned that the County might lose its ‘buzz’; and that all of a sudden Atikokan or Sturgeon Falls will become the next ‘in’ place. So concerned, in fact, that they are starting a contest open to all County residents (other than Mike Duffy). Until April 1, you can enter the new “Slogan For the County” contest by emailing your submissions to enter@itsnotthatbad.com. The prize? The bragging rights to the invention of the slogan, plus a complimentary front row seat for every municipal council and committee meeting between now and the next election. Second prize is a seat on the prestigious Ostrander Point Wind Energy Community Liaison Committee. Third prize is a five-minute tour of the remaining parts of the Prince Edward County Memorial Hospital.

So just what sort of entries are County staff expecting? High quality ones, it seems, based upon the following samples drawn up in house, which staff were kind enough to share with me in order to stimulate even better entries:

• The County: You’ll be Blown Away.

• The County: Where You’ll Never have to Drive to Wellington to get Gas.

• The County: a Municipal Councillor for Every Resident.

• The County: Where the Newspapers are all Free, and the Editorial Advice is Cheap.

• The County: Where You Never Receive Unnecessary Medical Treatment.

• The County: at least Jeanette Arsenault is Still Happy.

• The County: Climate Change Alert; if we Elect a Liberal, Hell has Frozen Over.

• The County: no Keystone XL Pipeline Here.

• The County: Some of it is Still Unspoilt.             

• The County: Not Bad at Primary Care.

• The County: Just Follow the Hydro Wires and You’ll Never Get Lost.

• The County: We Don’t Water Down our Beer, or our Wine.

• The County: the Place with the Sewage Plant on Top of a Hill.

• The County: where Rob Ford doesn’t have a Vote.

• The County: When it gets Warm, we’ve got Big Fans!

• The County: Operations—Who Needs an Operation?

• The County: We Don’t Have to Live Here, You Know.

David Simmonds’s writing is also available at www.grubstreet.ca.