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The good and the challenge
The kids are back in school. One week down, and only the teachers can tell you how many weeks left until next summer’s break. The thing I remember about elementary school was figuring out who to avoid at recess, at the bus stop or in the hallway. Yep, even back in the olden days we had our share of bullies. Usually the oldest kid in the class was the meanest, and that kid was usually surrounded by the lesser bullies who were teased because they weren’t the high achievers. That bunch was followed by the “babies”, the kids who walked to school holding “mommy’s hand”. In the 1950s, kids with different learning skill sets weren’t identified and given the environment or assistance they needed to succeed. They were just labelled as “stupid”, or worse, and that was the end of that. If a kid had a physical or mental challenge, they often ended up in a special school (institution) or just stayed at home. The fear of the unknown was usually what fuelled the bullying and teasing fires then, and I’m sure it hasn’t changed. And the words we used to describe differences in the good old days, oh me, oh my. We weren’t kind or good or even a little bit nice. If you were schooled back in the day, it wasn’t really the good old days. It was just the past. Times are a lot better, now. Not perfect, not even great. Just better, but kids still bully and tease. Kids are still bullied and teased. Derogatory terms are still used to describe differences, and kids with challenges are still segregated in some learning environments.
We can do a lot better by our children by making sure that we, as parents and caregivers, really do care about their day. When our children were in school, LOML and I grew tired of the negativity that swirled around our table at dinner time. We wanted to encourage our children to see some good and to look for the good people. One evening we asked our kids, and each other, to talk about “one good thing” that had happened in our day. We were so used to grousing about the meanies, bosses and coworkers and the playground bullies, we’d all but forgotten that there must be at least one good thing in a day. And there was. Some evenings we had to encourage our children to think about the things that made them smile or be creative or talk about their favourite game at recess or who they helped and, sometimes, who had helped them. Some of our best moments came out at dinner time. Sometimes we could tell, by the look on their faces, that they had struggled with something that day and decided to add “what were your challenges” to “good things”.
Our kids are grown up and have, mostly, flown the coop. These days we are asking and watching while our granddaughter talks about the good things and the challenges in her day. Her dad, our eldest son, still offers up the “good things” before “the challenges”. Will our granddaughter be teased and bullied? Yes, that’s a given. She’s new to her school. She might be a bit outspoken—not unlike her grandmother. Her challenge, right now, will be to make new friends and, soon enough, to look out for kids who need a friend. As she and I walked to school this morning, she told me she was looking forward to crossing the street without holding an adult’s hand. This morning, my challenge was to let go of her hand. A good thing and a challenge. Ain’t life grand.
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