A font of logic

You will of course spot the logical fallacy in the following:

Point 1. All women have two ears.

Point 2. Fred has two ears.

Point 3. Therefore, Fred is a woman.

All women may have two ears, but it doesn’t follow that all two-eared creatures are women. Fred is probably a man, although she could be woman with a masculine-sounding name. He or she could also be a dog, a cat or an elephant. So if I laid out something similar, like this, you might treat it as a bit fishy:

Point 1. Einstein was a genius.

Point 2. Einstein had a distinct but tidy handwriting style.

Point 3. If I adopt Einstein’s handwriting style, I will become a genius too.

Einstein may have had tidy handwriting, but surely that doesn’t mean that all geniuses do, or that only geniuses do; or that one can somehow acquire genius from mimicking Einstein’s handwriting.

Well, believe it or not, a German software developer has raised over $50,000 from a crowdfunding campaign, in order to develop a software program that replicates Einstein’s handwriting. He was attracted by the fact that Einstein’s handwriting was small, neat and orderly—in short, “beautiful”—just like a mathematical formula should appear. The font is to be released before the end of this year, the centenary of Einstein’s announcement of his general theory of relativity. According to the Toronto Star, the developer doesn’t actually claim that using his handwriting font will make genius bloom: he merely states that “when one uses Einstein’s handwriting as a font, a spark of his genius potentially could reflect in one’s own writing.” He draws the analogy to wearing your best clothes instead of a sweatsuit. When you do, he notes, “‘it can inspire you a little.”

So we can just laugh that one off, can’t we? Well, my first instinct was to do so, but now I’m not sure. Consider the following:

Point 1. Einstein was a genius.

Point 2. Einstein kept a notoriously messy desk (which is true).

Point 3. If I keep my desk messy, I will become a genius too.

Surely that one contains the same logical fallacy as the handwriting example. Einstein may have had a messy desk, but it doesn’t follow that all geniuses do, or that only geniuses have messy desks; or that a non-genius can acquire genius by deliberately keeping a messy desk.

Well, logical fallacy not so fast. The messy desk issue has been tackled experimentally by researchers at the University of Minnesota, who have concluded that one’s working environment can influence one’s behaviour. So just as a tidy environment tends to encourage consistency and adherence to deadlines, a messy environment tends to induce creativity and risk taking, which are the hallmarks of a genius like Einstein, are they not? So while perhaps as matter of straight logic, the messy desk example is fallacious, as a matter of fact, it may not be. Maybe parents should start screaming at their children to hurry up and mess up their rooms, or there’ll be no allowance this week.

Now if the messy desk syndrome has an effect on creativity, so too might the use of Einsteinian handwriting. Maybe our software developer friend is on to something after all. Maybe kids should start bugging their parents to have the Einstein font in which to present their math homework, so as to bring out and present the genius behind their math homework.

Of course, if everyone went out and bought the Einstein font, perhaps everybody would become a genius, in which case “genius” would become a humdrum appellation. A new term, such as “pure genius,” would have to be employed to apply to those who did not have to rely on a stimulant like the font, which would therefore lose its marketability. So the font developer should perhaps consider restricting sales and upping his prices, or try to persuade some pure geniuses to buy the font for the purpose of keeping it off the market. All signs point to some major headaches.

Anyway, based on my experience thinking about the Einstein font, and given what the software developer says what happens when one wears one’s best clothing, I’m now reasonably convinced by the following:

Point 1. Elvis was a great performer and made millions.

Point 2. Elvis wore a low-cut one piece white jumpsuit.

Point 3. If I wear a low-cut one piece white jumpsuit, I will become a great performer and make millions.

So an Elvis impersonator suit sounds like the sort of sensible investment I should have made a long time ago. Please don’t try to talk me out of it.

In the meantime, I’m going to count my ears and see if can make some headway on that woman-or-man problem.

dsimmonds@wellingtontimes.ca