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Spring has sprung
Would it even be Spring if I didn’t get wound up about the usual things that I find vexatious? Let me begin with dog poop on sidewalks! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, “If you’re old enough to take your dog for a walk, then you’re old enough to pick up Fido’s butt nuggets. If you don’t pick up after your puppy, you’re a butt nugget. And, don’t blame your dog or its diet or its digestive system. Dogs need to poop, that’s why you take them for a walk. But leaving your dog’s poop on the sidewalk, or on my lawn, is loser behaviour.
Spitting on sidewalks! Nasty. Gross. Anyone who has that much saliva in their system needs to speak with their doctor. Are people just so full of saliva and other gobby-stuff that it’s going to choke them to death if they don’t spit it out on a sidewalk? What the heck is that all about? Spitting on the sidewalk is as disgusting as dog poop on the sidewalk. The only difference between the two is that people who spit on sidewalks are inconsiderate idiots and owners who leave their dog’s poop on sidewalks are inconsiderate dog-owning idiots.
Next, let’s address the groups of people who stop to chat on the sidewalk and don’t make room for passersby. Well, I’ll be gentlehere— sometimes the conversation is just too exciting to take a nanosecond to notice your group is taking up so much sidewalk space that others have to detour into the street to get by or risk the evil eye if they say “Excuse me” as they try to get through. If you’re going to hold your annual general meeting of spitters and dog poop leavers smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk, then one of the executive jobs should be a “passerby scout”. You know, the person who smiles and sez to the rest of the assembly “Someone wants by. Close in for a group hug. but no spitting and mind the dog poop.”
Parking your car across the sidewalk. Yeah, like that’s polite. I think I understand your mentality. The municipality expects you to keep your driveway and the sidewalk in front of your home clear so you, obviously, have super-special permission to block the sidewalk with your vehicle. And, if needs be, you can tell some pedestrian they could easily walk around the vehicle. Essentially, you expect them to walk out into the street to get around your car cuz you’re to darn lazy to park on the street or you think that since you’re only going to be a minute and the motor’s still running that it’s all good to block the sidewalk. I hope the rude “parking the vehicle and blocking the sidewalk” people step into the spit or dog poop on their way back into their car. Personally, I’ll walk around the vehicle (if I have to), but I’ll make sure I use your vehicle as a “prop” and walk onto your lawn, maybe through the garden bed, to get to the other side!
Bicycles on the sidewalk. This is “the hill I’ll die on”. To adult sidewalk cyclists I’d just like to say “Get off the darned sidewalk and onto the street with the rest of the vehicular traffic.” Bicycles are vehicles! If the wheel of your bicycle or tricycle is greater than 0.5 metres—GUESS WHAT—you shouldn’t be riding it on any sidewalk anywhere in The County. And, I’m not budging on this one. I don’t want to hear from people who are older or afraid or their grandmother or grandfather takes their exercise everyday on their bicycle on the sidewalk— whoop-di-doggie-dodo. I don’t care how cute your helmet is (or if you wear one)— and you should wear one! If you’ve figured out the balance part, then figure out the sidewalk part. Sidewalks aren’t cycling paths. Get out into the roadway where you belong. And just so that you won’t go saying I’m mean and unfair, picking on the older folks and all, I’m also talking about the older kids who should be riding adult-sized bikes but have chosen to soup-up their little sister’s bike (the one with the teeny tiny wheels) and head out to the sidewalks of the County. Grow-up! Roaring up and down and all around the hapless pedestrians on your cute little bike is annoying and dangerous. You look like a circus act with your knees stuck-up under your chin and besides pedestrians shouldn’t have to wear protective gear nor do they have mirrors to watch out for idiots-on-bikes-on-sidewalks. Skateboarders and scooters fall into this category!!
Let’s see! Anything else? I do wonder about those little “wand tooth flossers” all over the sidewalks. Tell me now urgent is the need to floss your teethwhile strolling on the sidewalk!! What’s that about? It’s gag-inducing to think about and gross to see. Hopefully people who floss while they’re goingfor a walk will step in the spit and dog poop or getbumped by the idiot cycling past.
Spring is in the air!
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